I awoke this morning to an empty bed. It was cold, I had unknowingly acquired all the pillows and I was unsure of my location. After flopping around a bit searching for the edge of the bed with my feet, ( a scientific method of measurement) I came to the conclusion I was not at work, but definitely at home. I rolled to my back clearing just enough sleep induced cobwebs to recognize that if I was home, where was my wife? Thats right, there is an additional tenant signed to this queen bed lease. It was not designed to be a rest haven for one, no no no, this warm slab of downy goodness was built specifically for two!
I smelled coffee!
Why has she awoken so early on this rarest of rare days? A day not filled with school, or the rush and hustle of work? No, this is a cherished weekend morning ritual, a space of time so few and far between with our hectic schedules that even the powers of Krypton could never tear it away. A morning for us to stay in bed together, sans children! A morning the kids get themselves up, feed themselves cereal and then watch an hour or two of useless television before going to church! A morning where talking and snuggling are not interrupted by the baggage of a long day needing to be unpacked before bedtime! My goodness how has this happened! Have we gone so far in our marriage that these little things mean nothing, they hold no cherished place in our hearts? Have we fallen into such a rut that all forms of individualism separating us from our children has perished? This is blasphemy! blasphemy I say!
Well too heck with her! To heck with her I say! Leave me alone in bed will she! You better believe I wont be friendly when she gives me a cup of that “oh so delicious” coffee she makes! It probably wont taste good anyways, and I will force myself not to like it! I’m not even going to smile! No sir! I’m thinking it’s going to be a little hard to swallow such warm tasty goodness upon the heels of such marital disrespect! Hard I tell you!
I am distraught and as the sting of loneliness slowly clears my head. I seem to recal a small child coming in at “oh midnight thirty” to say he had a bad dream. The covers were pulled back, a heavy sigh was released and a small little boy with cuddly green blanket was fast asleep, squished between his mom and dad. Was that it? Was that the reason she left the bed? Or maybe I was snoring? I do have a tendency to snore now and again. Although she has never complained about it, even going so far as to say “its kind of rhythmic”. I am no fool. I know she says such things as to not hurt my feelings over the fact she can’t sleep next to a buzzsaw at full throttle. Maybe it was our giant dog that woke her up? He does have a tendency to sound like bigfoot walking across the floor downstairs. When he wants to go outside he lets out a sound similar to that of a wookie! Once your hear that noise at 3 in the morning, combined with clumping feet across the floor, it can get your heart rate up causing a serious adrenaline rush! Sleep usually doesn’t follow after that little encounter for quite some time. But even then, she would never give up our weekend morning together would she? I am so confused and have chosen to quit theorizing about my selfish predicament. Maybe it is what it is, and I should just face the fact, between the kids, my snoring and the giant beast of a dog, maybe, just maybe there is a perfectly good explanation for this series of events.
I go downstairs
She greets me with a smile, I am not swayed. She is on the couch under some blankets (looks inviting) watching the morning show. In my best cool and collected voice I mutter a soft; so what happened to you last night? She proceeds to explain that once our little one came to bed, night mare and all, she couldn’t sleep all squished up between us. The wood stove had the house way to warm upstairs so she thought she would just leave him there so he would feel safe with his dad and head downstairs where it was cooler. She motioned for me to come sit next to her. I still wasnt completely swayed so I sat a little bit aways from her on the couch. My son brought me a cup of hot fresh coffee. I buckled a little more and moved in closer. I let her know that I had in fact put our little guy back to bed only 10 minutes after she had disappeared from our room. In fact it was all coming back to me now. I had gotten up to go to the bathroom and when I returned she was gone. I placed the little one back in his bed, thinking she was downstairs getting something to drink, I went right back to sleep. She let out a grumble of discontent, followed with a: you mean I could have slept in our bed all night instead of freezing down here? Yep….
I am now feeling like a fool as I take in the dark roast that fills my coffee cup. Apparently I am the one to blame all along, for I should have recognized what was happening and brought her back upstairs to me. Then I remember something even more important! It isn’t our weekend morning to stay in bed together after all! We had been jipped once again, for I had to be somewhere. Karma had dealt me an ugly hand for I was the one that had to be up and out the door this morning! I had to be at work. Yep all the commiserating, all that whining to myself, all the selfishness, all the second guessing and in reality I am the one to ruin what could have been a perfect morning between two people who love each other. Hmmmm.
Well at least the little one got a good nights sleep. I hope when he is older he appreciates all we have sacrificed to ensure he feels safety, protection and love from his parents. I guess in the long run that is worth a few sacrificed mornings. Besides his mother and I will have plenty of mornings to spend together once we are old, ugly and have run out of things to say to each other right? Right?