What my father never taught me about life or at the very least I refused to listen too….
Now that we have covered the dating scene lets take a moment to cover marriage and friends. Most people would never correlate the two but I see them as being very similar beasts, almost controlling every emotional aspect of your life.
Side by side the similarities are mind-blowing! Marriage being the ultimate friendship, the very top of the ladder, the creme de la creme of relationships! Its you saying “hey friend, we are so good together that I really can’t see myself living life without you so let’s get married” yep legally best friends till death do us part! Whats even better is after the courthouse contract is signed, the two of you get together and seal the deal! No prick of the finger blood buddies pact here, oh no! Just a good old-fashioned, we are in this for the long haul let’s get naked sex!! Don’t you dare frown or lift a Vulcan eyebrow at this tidbit of information, its true! Not a married couple I know hasn’t consummated the deal that night after toasting, and drinking copious amounts of alcohol! Yep legal in the courthouse, signed and sealed with a romp in the hay! Best friends for ever!!!!
Ok, lets take it down a notch, mellow it out a little, a cold shower if you will. As far as rating relationships go everyone has a “best friend” you know the one person who is like a sibling! Always there when you need them, you have done everything together, the two of you were inseparable before the “better half” walked into the picture! That emotionally available someone who gets you! That one person you can shop with, see a movie together, visit male strip clubs with, shoot at a gasoline tanker then jump off a cliff while professing your undying love for each other! That best friend.
Here is the thing about these relationships, (BFF & Spouse) one can’t survive without the other. If your best friend doesn’t like your better half, life sucks! If your better half doesn’t like your best friend, life sucks. If your better half complains about all your friends, you guessed it, life sucks. If you can’t stand her best friend or the myriad of other friends she has, life sucks! So as you can see the two are very much the same emotional animal!
I have no real advise here, but this little tid-bit does come to mind. If it’s too hard, as in; if you feel as though you have to work really hard all the time putting out emotional fires between any and all parties. It’s not worth it, move on. there are 6,973,738,433 people on this crazy sphere we call earth. Move on make new friends, bond with a new better half, they are out there, just move on…
Through your life they (friends) will come and go. I have had many wonderful people walk in and right back out that friendship door. Some of them I miss greatly, others I wouldn’t cross the street to piss on their burning ashes. But because of all these people I have developed a sense of worth, as in what’s my friendship worth to you or visa-versa.
A true friend.
- Never complains (joking aside) that you haven’t called or stopped by, they understand how hectic life can become and cherish that very moment you are able to reconnect with them.
- Will drop what they are doing to help no matter the reason. Yes there are extenuating circumstances, but over a period of time this person will show their true colors.
- Will tell you when there’s a booger hanging from your nose.
- Lets you borrow the car unconditionally. Yeah that’s the way we roll..
- Knows when to “leave it alone” and also knows the exact moment “not” to leave it alone.
- Never judges you, but isn’t afraid to tell you what they think about your choices.
- Always has a couch for you in a time of need.
- Knows your birthday
- Hates your boss with you!
- Will bail you out of jail, but not before tagging you in Facebook “places”.
- Lets you fart.
- Will watch your kids and parent them as their own.
- Thinks your funny.
- Will help you move.
- Knows the difference between a weekend in Vegas and a VEGAS WEEKEND!!!
- Will fly with you to a foreign country delivering aid to people they don’t know.
- Shares your love of beers from around the world.
- Will hold your hair when you puke while posting a picture of you doing so on Facebook.
- Can pick up a conversation 20 years later as though it ended yesterday.
- Still sees you as young no matter how old you become.
The perfect spouse
- All of the above!
- Plus sex.
Marriage is a unique commitment between two people saying we are in this for a lifetime. But I believe today’s society has not allowed most couples to fully grasp the commitment portion of this pact. Marriage is romanticized in society as this easy-going love affair that never ends between two people. Always filled with happy endings, puppies and kisses on the veranda at dusk. (Thank you Hollywood)
In reality marriage can become like the aforementioned description with the exception of an occasional disagreement that sometimes goes on for days leaving you sleeping on the couch because there is no way in hell you are sleeping next to queen stubborn! Sorry I digress…
Marriage has all the qualities of a great friendship combined with an overwhelming attraction both mentally, physically and emotionally between two people. The phrase; My soul mate, comes to mind. The key (in my opinion) to a great marriage is compromise. That word alone is one of the hardest for most young couples to grasp! At an early age most of us are overly educated (both scholarly and from the school of hard knocks) very sure of ourselves and refuse to be proven wrong. Throw a like-minded partner into the mix and even the simplest of disagreements can become toxic with discontent in a very short time. What couples need to know is there is no right or wrong. Both of your opinions are valid, both of your reasoning’s are sound, by refusing to see your partners side of an issue you are the reason for discontent in the situation. Compromise. Sometimes you agree to disagree while laying validity to another point of view. Both sides walk away happy, marriage intact.
Last but not least; and I can’t stress this point enough, when it comes to marriage and compromise, never-and I mean NEVER, go to bed angry. Its easier to say you are sorry, (truthful or not) let it go and forget about the issue, then it is to hold your ground allowing the issue to fester overnight creating an emotional monster that will take an army to bring down. Trust me, I am very stubborn and opinionated (no kidding right) I have recognized on numerous occasions my inherit ability to come across as a giant pain in the ass! By just dropping the subject, changing my tone, then politely saying I am sorry, many nights resigned to the couch have been avoided.
So there it is, marriage and friendships are basically the same thing. Trust me, there are some friends I should have treated more like spouses and a spouse that I thoroughly enjoy having as my best friend.