Today was a very special day. You see it was my sons 7th birthday, and he was rewarded with the only gift he requested. It wasn’t Hot Wheels, nor Transformers, nothing to do with Harry Freaking Potter, no magic tricks, no juggling balls, none of the things we believed that he was longing for, nope what our kid wanted was Footie Shoes . Yep Footie shoes, or Five Finger Shoes as they are advertised. Have you seen these things?? Strange looking, like the 70’s toe socks that were once all the rage! All five toes in their own little keeper, wrapped in the latest air-breathing, moisture wicking, sole protecting technology. Held onto your foot with a single piece of space age velcro. They come in a multitude of colors to ensure that at least one person is going to look at your feet and proclaim “coooooolllll dude” where ya get those?
And look at them you will, I mean they really are hard to take your eyes off.
See aren’t they weeeeiiirrrrdddd? Its like someone decided to take the whole “bigfoot” thing and turn it into instant money!!!! Cha Ching!!!! Really I am jealous that I didn’t think of these things myself. Like the cardboard in the car window that reads “help dial 911” yep I thought that up first, really, it’s a little known fact it was my idea. I was just late capitalizing on the invention. My people didn’t contact their people, same old story told time and again in the business world. (heavy sigh)
Anyway where was I? Oh yeah. So my kid now has a pair of these feet for his feet. (creepy) He is running around like Superman, he fly’s higher, jumps farther, sprints faster, all because of his “Footie” shoes. Wait a minute, that’s the same way I feel when I get a new pair of shoes, and mine don’t have toes! Hmmmm seems like a conspiracy if you ask me. The shoe companies have us all duped into believing that when we get new shoes we are superhuman! Ah the power of advertising and subliminal messaging! Oh well let him have his moment! By Friday they will be worn in and the super powers will slowly fade. By the end of the month the super powers will be completely gone. Then what, footie shoes? Then what? Then they will be just another pair of sweaty, stinky, smelly shoes that my dog will turn into a drool bucket. But thats Ok I just finished ordering mine online, they should be here any day. Then Ill see everyone at the Justice League Headquarters, Up Up and AWAAAAAAYYYYYYY!