Understand who you are, relish in your accomplishments, learn from your failures, accept change and dont ever be afraid to re-invent yourself from time to time.
One life to live, make it amazing….
Carry on that is all….
Tag: aging
Resolutions…….
Well I wasn’t going to do it! I promised myself and screamed to all who would listen! No way in hell was there any chance of me writing about New Year’s resolutions. Everyone does it; the blogosphere is loaded with rambling and grumblings about new promises, kept promises from years past and flat out lies. Nope, no way! It just wasn’t going to happen!
Then it dawned on me. We; as in the human race aren’t supposed to be here! The world according to the Mayan culture along with several 
thousand overly educated individuals was to have met its fiery demise on December 21st! Yet here we are, 7 full days after the end of the world and a mere 3 days from the beginning of a new recording of time (2013).
So what does this all mean for me and the loathing I hold towards New Year’s resolutions?
It’s a new age, a new beginning, it’s the first day of the rest of my life, and therefore I should put aside my personal feelings and be celebrating not commiserating. The very thought of making resolutions once a year to solidify the minor changes one should make accordingly throughout the year long cycle is absurd at best! Yet for some reason my heart feels obliged to give it a shot. 2013 New beginning, first days and all, it just makes plain good old sporting sense..
So here it goes!
I Betty resolve in 2013 too…
Not be so damn sarcastic! Shit I have already failed…. I TOLD YOU THIS WOULDN’T WORK!!!
Ok I’ll try again…
I Betty do solemnly resolve in 2013 too…
Quit being so angry: unless of course the situation warrants it, or it’s needed to purposely expound a point! Or my Irish becomes inflamed, or even if I am trapped in a situation where tolerance over ignorance shown towards stay at home fathers and dads in
general becomes more than I can take, thusly leaving me no choice but to rage against a proponent with my expert use of the English language in an obscure tirade upon my blog. Yeah passive aggressive attack, that’s the ticket! See it’s easy to put aside blood boiling rage and quit being so angry! Maybe this isn’t so bad! Let’s try another one!
Laugh more with my children: A child’s laughter is a gift from god and should be enjoyed every chance we get. Plus by sharing in the laughter you are helping teach your children to laugh and relax, thereby allowing them to share the very same learned expressions with friends, ultimately leading to your children being able to laugh at themselves; a good quality by the way. Of course there is the exception to the rule; you know when they are laughing 
and you are not due to them having done something so erroneous there can be no alternative emotion than to become irritated. Such as finding pee all over the bathroom floor and dripping down the sides of the toilet! Recognizing the difference between light dirt and poo smeared across the shower curtain! Oh yes, because apparently our little angels eyeballs haven’t developed to the point of recognizing the need for toilet paper BEFORE sitting down to do their business! Yet the pea sized brain has acquired a MacGyver like reflex allowing them the ability to think quickly and improvise in sticky situations leading to the shower curtain being used as Charmin! Yeah the laughter is real hearty while donning latex gloves and decontaminating the old levorotary! Laughter has a tendency to fall off the charts after I have told them several times to clean their rooms and all they’ve done is throw a sheet on their
beds after shoving everything that was on the floor under the bed and into the closet! Or after begging them to feed their animals before dark only to be ignored! Now that it’s dark outside no one is going to go out to the barn and feed, so instead of having just done it the first time they were asked they throw a crying screaming fit about how scared they are in the dark and they really shouldn’t have to go out and feed now cause it’s just too damn scary! Yep more laughing is coming right up in 2013!
Eat healthier foods: last year was a real life changer for me in this department! Eating was not just a means for sustenance it was an event! Big breakfast, big lunch and even bigger dinners! The only exercise my body partook in was getting a beer from the fridge along with the subsequent 12 ounce curls that followed! But I made 
a change and lost 20 pounds this year alone! So I promise to keep up the good work with a solid diet and exercise to match! Holidays will be the exception of course. Where I shall continue to stuff my face with all the greatest holiday creations one can muster! Cookies, chocolate, mince pies, cupcakes, more chocolate, apple pies, pumpkin pies, candies of all sizes and did I mention chocolate? Other than that all healthy foods, in small portions; oops I need to also include dinners at the firehouse as an exemption, I mean I really have no control over what someone else cooks, and I wouldn’t want to be perceived as rude so firehouse dinners are definitely out! But for every other meal, Yes! Better, healthier foods coming right up!
Go green in 2013! Our family is a huge believer in replenishing our resources by reusing and recycling! Nothing brings us a greater sense of good than helping out our environment! We placed windmills on the roof of our shop to produce electricity and are looking forward to possibly placing solar panels on the property generating more electricity for ourselves and others who may benefit! But we have one larger issue. We need to purchase a fuel efficient “green” truck, yet the last time I checked they don’t make a fuel efficient “green” vehicle to replace my 3/4 ton diesel truck 
that is connected to a horse trailer pretty much all week long and in today’s economy it really isn’t feasible to purchase a “green” car and a new “lesser carbon footprint” truck to replace my tattered old truck! So to go green it’s going to cost us well over $100,000 dollars! Who the hell has that kind of cash lying around? Cold day in hell before a loan for $100,000.00 is taken out under my name for anything other than a house! Maybe I should just stay focused on recycling materials? Smokey truck, recycling cans, see one offsets the other, I am already ahead for 2013!
Drink less alcohol: Social drinking has always been a big part of my life! Nothing beats having a brew with your buds or a glass of wine with your lovely wife! At three in the morning when you have had to much, just get up, hover over the toilet and purge away! Good times and weight loss rolled into one! Yet having cut back dramatically in 2012 I have recognized the need to do more!
Drinking can definitely become a health concern and at my age I really need to be focusing more attention on life longevity. Speaking of life longevity on the Dr. Oz show I saw red wine is actually good for you! Seriously, a couple of glasses a night are supposedly good for your heart! Man that’s like almost a bottle a night! Yee Ha! Maybe I’ll have to re-think the whole drinking even less theory and look into the redeeming factors associated with Jack Daniels too? Anyone?
There you have it! Betty has gone against his better judgment and laid out five resolutions for 2013! Funny though, I feel as if they are destined for failure and I am not sure why? Maybe it’s that whole sarcasm resolution I failed in the beginning. Hmmmmmm…..
What horses taught me..
What horses taught me about myself and raising children?
Horses have always at one time or another been a part of my life. During a very long period I did my best to refuse any knowledge of 
their existence. Carefully placing walls up around my feelings, hoping to keep them hidden for eternity. When people would broach the subject, my lips were sealed, if someone in the room asked: have you ever owned horses? My moral character would never allow me to lie in regards to the subject, but my explanation was usually short and sweet;
My parents owned horses; I was raised on a working horse ranch complete with 15 stall barn, paddocks, hot walker, roping arena and cattle chutes. We had a trainer for a while and the business always seemed to be the root of my parents quarreling. Dad was the president of a local horseman’s association and although at the time horses were not my favorite animals, some of my fondest memories were hanging out at horse shows, eating hamburgers and playing under the grandstands. The monthly meetings were also on my fond memories list. The people my parents associated with were all wonderful and cared about everyone’s kids! We sat at the bar, drank 7-up with cherries in them and overlooked the valley below. Can I ride a horse? Yes. Do I want horses? No! End of discussion.
What I never realized until just recently was raising horses as a child set me up for success as an adult. Learning to care for these creatures on a daily basis was actually the first step in learning to care for myself and others. I know it sounds crazy but it also allowed me the opportunity to fail miserably without actually harming 
anyone, as my parents were right there to chastise, redirect and place me back on the proper course with each and every animal regardless of how much I bucked the system. Horses are very forgiving animals, if you are late feeding them they won’t complain, missed cleaning their stall that afternoon, not a word said, didn’t get to riding them, they will let you know the first couple of minutes in the arena but it’s nothing a little re-direction won’t fix and after a pet or two on the head all is right with the world.
So how did horses re-enter my life and what does it have to do with raising children?
Married with children; horses re-entered my life under the guise of being for the children. I was pulled back into the equine world kicking and screaming by a wife wise beyond her years when it came to dealing with my absolute stubbornness. As I ranted and raved about reliving my parents quarreling over money and animals, as I clenched my fists and retorted with barbs about horses being the devil and all who possess them are crazy! My wife calmly reminded me it wasn’t about me, it wasn’t about the anger I harbored towards an existence that was a lifetime ago brought about by a mind not fully developed but mired in the process of youth. I regaled the horror of taking care of animals and how I didn’t want my children hurt, trampled, kicked, bit or thrown from these four legged beasts. My 
wife would remind me our children were already taking care of animal projects for 4-H and this was just an extension of those duties. Before long my grip on the past loosened, the mental walls were knocked down and we became horse owners. My children began riding, my wife began riding, I returned to the saddle and our future in the horse world was set on a collision course with my past.
Today; all of my children ride horses, one not as much as the other three but he enjoys cleaning stalls and helping out when he can. Our children are not left to sit on the sidelines as we were all those years ago.
They ride and they ride fairly well; they make mistakes, learn from those mistakes and look forward to every chance they get to “show” their horses. Do I expect them to win? No! Am I proud of them whether they do well or not? Yes! It will be some of the very best memories ever retained and upon my death bed, as my eyes begin to close and darkness overtakes me I hope to picture these children of mine smiling having fun, still small able to fit in my arms, full of love for their animals and their father.
I ride a cutting horse; as my parents rode in shows, I too am in the ring doing my best. We belong to an association and I became a board member. Cutting is always on my mind! How to become better, how to make my horse better, how to just relax and get the hell out of my horses way because she actually knows what she’s doing and on several occasions really just doesn’t need my help. Either way I am obsessed and cannot wait until the show season starts again.
My wife rides any horse she can get her hands on. The challenge of a new horse along with the exhilaration that comes from an unknown is always on her mind. Her personal horse is a 
gigantic Belgian draft who is sweet and believes to be a puppy dog. She follows you around everywhere, wanting to do everything to make you proud of her. She loves being pet, brushed and ridden, we couldn’t have asked for a better animal for our family. We have made friends with some very wonderful people through this 
process, friends I believe we will have for life. These fantastic people are of the very same character surrounding me as a child. My children are reaping the benefits.
We have many horses; we board a few horses, and have built up a very nice place for our children to be raised and their friends to come play. Nothing brings a greater joy to my wife and I then introducing a child to the joys of riding horses!
With time/age comes wisdom and with that wisdom comes the uncontrollable urge to share. So here are ten things horses have taught me about myself and raising children.
- Frustration manifests into anger and there is no place for either when training a horse or raising a child.
- Forgiveness is felt and received by both children and horses. If you show forgiveness, you teach forgiveness. Then forgiveness is shown in return.
- Trust is earned. You may not think you need to earn trust with your children but you would be dead wrong. The same goes for a horse. If a horse doesn’t trust you, your relationship is dead in the water.
- Having the ability to express love is one of the most important attributes human beings hold. Show that love in every aspect of what you do.
- Discipline must be fair, just and repeated the same each and every time. Then it should be followed by number 4, thus reaffirming your commitment.
- Talking will always calm their nerves. A nervous animal can be dangerous, so can quite a few children I have known over the years. Talking with them, showing interest and care usually will bring nervousness to an end allowing them both to build a confidence that will expand with age.
- What you put in their bodies will equate to what you receive in performance. If you expect your horses to perform, feed them well. If you expect your children to perform well, both educationally and athletically, make sure they have nutritious food at their disposal.
- Give them a warm safe place to call home. Everyone, even animals need a safe place to call home. It builds security and confidence, and grounds both animals and humans alike.
- When children or horses make a mistake. Forgive them, correct them and allow them the opportunity to get it right. We all make mistakes; treating either one as though you are perfect all the time will eventually lead you down a path of failure.
- Keep them clean and groomed. It sounds silly but as your child feels good about a new outfit for school, so does your horse feel about being clean, brushed and prepared for a day of being worked or ridden on the trail. It’s in our make up to always want to look good. You always notice that gorgeous stallion with the long flowing mane and tail, so does a mare. You also always notice the kid you took the time and effort to dress appropriately. Make that your kid and your horse.
As you can see my life has come full circle. My children take care of 
animals, feeding, watering, riding, and showing them love. It’s not always done right, but they try, we redirect and success is always on the horizon. The lessons of my childhood, expanded upon and being re-taught to my unsuspecting little sponges! Hopefully when they are grown adults our children will continue to expand upon these lessons and not place them in a closet of emotion wasting years on anger that could have been used to further enjoy a platform we have provided them for life.
A snowball effect….
The other night after a long day of he said, she said, don’t touch me, and leave me alone along with all the other phrases (both appropriate and inappropriate) reverberating through an active family household. I found myself stressed beyond belief. My chest hurt, the lungs yearned for air, a mildly cold sweat lay across my brow and my stomach hurt. The only thing I could ponder was how much longer until they all were grown.
Of course I have no room to complain because there are the 48 hours straight I am at work, holed up in my firehouse the last bastion of supposed sanity from the trials and tribulations of being a full-time parent! My poor wife does not enjoy such luxury. But then again aren’t all us firefighters really just kids with badges and super cool toys we use to help the public? Anyways that night had taken quite the toll on both my wife and I. All we could think about was the peace and quiet that came with bedtime. Then something wonderful happened that brought me back to reality.
We baked cookies…
Yep that’s right its Christmas time and nothing says “I care about you” more than fresh-baked cookies! It really is the best Christmas present ever! I would personally take 20 tins of delicious cookies from loved ones over someone spending money on something they hope I will like! Cookies, chocolate, brownies, mince pies they all say “hey buddy its Christmas and I was baked just for you” enjoy! But these cookies, oh these cookies are super special! Every year we bake these little doughy droplets of gold and place them in specially purchased Christmas tins then set out across town “ to snowball”.
Definition: To Snowball; During Christmas time only, place a tin of cookies with an anonymous uplifting note on the front porch of an unsuspecting family. Ring doorbell, knock loudly on door and run!!!
Snowball has become a very special part of our Christmas traditions! The children look forward to it every year almost as much as Christmas morning itself! Snowball is treated like a covert mission, complete with blacked out car, dark clothing and squealing tires. Giggling is inevitable as mishaps are also a part of the fun. Falling over hedges, tripping before reaching the car, only to be
grabbed by an older brother and pulled in as the car rips away from the scene! No man left behind is our motto! On one occasion one of the boys had to hide under a hedge just feet from the front door as it was opened by the homeowner before a full retreat was completed! It’s just plain, good old-fashioned Christmas fun! We hand out yummy goodies; hopefully make someone’s night with no expectation of reciprocation. Then hope it leaves a snowball effect on its recipients, passing good cheer forward for the holidays. This is the way we enjoy observing Christmas, it truly feels better to give than receive!!
As we are preparing for our night of Christmas ninja stealth, the children all do something unheard of lately. They begin to get along, working together as one to complete this monumental task. My wife and I step back out of the kitchen and even though the urge to take over and correct small mistakes is astronomical we don’t. She moves into the family room to watch TV, and I hover around the front room 
tending the fire and staring in awe. My oldest works like a baker, carefully tossing out flour, and rolling the dough out to perfection while the others take turns cutting out cookies made of angels, snowmen, stars and mistletoe. The middle boy handles placing them carefully on cookie sheets and transfers them back and forth from the oven only asking that I place them inside while removing the cooked ones. It was seriously the happiest, stress less, most magical moment I’ve had around our children in a while. It truly made our night. My wife iced them with green and white frosting then placed them carefully into round Christmas covered containers. She wrote another fantastic letter and we all called it a night with smiles upon our egg-nog covered faces.
One simple act of doing for others as a family can erase hours of selfish bickering. I am often reminded of a very simple saying; you only have one childhood with your children. Enjoy it!
When things get stressful, bake some cookies together and let them be children. All will look better in the end and your stress will subside. I promise…..
Merry Christmas!
My Words of Wisdom for the Day
Ideas come and ideas go, but unless you write them down, organize their priorities and act upon them they will never become anything more than just an idea..
“Just” a thought I acted upon, carry on that is all….
DR. FRO-YO is in….
As a parent my world revolves around our children. They bring to our lives purpose and a fulfillment that just can’t be achieved by denying their existence. No really you can deny they’re yours all you want but try leaving Chucky Cheese unnoticed when one of them yells; Hey dad where ya going? That damn family hand stamp you received when you arrived ties you right back to the little darlings! Anyways I only tried it once, no harm no foul right?
Yep those little ones fill our days with delight! From the moment their sweet little angelic eyes open in the morning, birds begin to sing! They’ll float down to breakfast as if
Miss Mary Poppins herself was their nanny! Poise, confidence, smarts they are perfect and all yours. Every day is greeted with excitement because you’re able to cherish hundreds of precious moments with these wondrous gifts from god!
Often times in the morning I am heard across the neighborhood hollering out our back door as they skip off to school, backpacks in hand, looking sharp dressed in their finest knickers; Have a great day children and remember daddy loves yoouuuu!! They always stop, hold hands and in unison shout: We love you to daddy!!!! Sweet visualization huh?
Parenting is a calling, you don’t realize how important it is until it happens to you! Becoming a parent brings together all the unknowns about your existence, solidifying them in one complete, mind altering, unrelenting realization.
At some point you are going to need a drink!
Because after that Disney fantasy world of morning departure, as the door closes and you’re left all alone with nothing but your thoughts, life becomes very clear. You may need a drink! It starts out harmless enough; the house is yours so you figure knocking out a few chores such as laundry sounds like a good idea. I mean you are the maid right? So 
you grab a cup of coffee, haul a few hampers, wash a few loads it all sounds so easy? But oh no my friend how wrong you are because it’s then and only then you see the light! For example, apparently all four of my children were performing on America’s got talent last night! How do I know? Because every single one of them went through at least three wardrobe changes yesterday leaving two of them scattered across the bathroom, bedroom and hallway floors! Only someone who performs on stage needs that many wardrobe changes to get through the day right? The laundry basket is filled with an equal amount of clothing exchanges from the previous three days as well and by the time it has been transferred to the basement it appears the bottom of the basket is filled with clothes I washed and folded on Friday of last week! Those clothes now smell awful because apparently the littlest one peed the bed and has thrown the urine soaked clothing on top of the aforementioned clean clothes! Feeling the need yet?
Did I mention the bathroom? Between cleaning up piss scattered about the base of the 
toilet and poop that has made its way miraculously down the side of the bowl. (Serious skill or a disturbing problem) There is an endless river of shampoo and body gel making its way around every part of our bathroom except (judging by quantity only) onto the filthy bodies of my pristine little gems! Thirsty for a snort?
As I feel happiness slowly draining from my body like the last remaining droplets of coffee from the pot downstairs, I decide grabbing some chocolate will harden my resolve and strengthen my nerves. One problem, it’s all gone! I don’t know when or where but it’s gone all gone! Hands shaking, teeth grinding, creating new curse words, the laundry is dragged to the basement and tossed into the machine, our bathrooms are cleaned to perfection, the floor is swept, mopped and left to dry while I burn time folding clothes. I call it “burning” time because it’s not what I want to do it’s what I have to do so I prefer to burn it with my hatred!! After an hour I start missing my children again (I know freaking crazy huh?). The bottle on the counter doesn’t seem quite as tempting anymore, yet Jack is always a gentlemen and he remains smooth as silk in his delivery.
The day trots’ on with more highs and lows; high when I find a bedroom closet cleaned, low when I find all my missing chocolate wrappers under a bed, high when finding a note left behind by one of them saying how much they love me, low when realizing all the words are spelled backwards, leaving me worrying about his education! High while realizing they are all taking fairly good care of their animals a very big responsibility, low when reaching into a box of Hot Pockets to find it has been placed back into the freezer empty! AARRRGGGHHHHH! Getting thirsty again…
By the time our children are let out of school my emotions have traveled a gambit of expressions and yet even though exhaustion is ruling my body, and sleep would be a welcome sight even for just a few minutes, I pull my boot straps up, put on a smile and rush off to gather them for the return ride home. A trip into town takes but 15 minutes, just enough time to sing a few songs on the radio, down a beer and let the Percocet take hold! Just kidding!!! Don’t get uptight now my belligerent story has almost concluded!
While waiting in the hallways I take note of many other children, some are sweet as pie, others in need of a good old-fashioned ————-! (You fill in the blank! Really anything you want! Time out, walk in the park, smack on the tush, trophy for being the most obnoxious, whatever works for you! This is the kinder gentler, stranger society we occupy so live it up!)
My conclusion is this; our children will always be sweet little angels, the stuff Disney movies are made of, no matter what anyone else says! They could do whatever they wanted and dad would stand behind them all the way! Ok except for getting arrested and maybe starting a fight, yeah that’s never good, also selling drugs would be a hard one to back all the way unless junior is gonna hook a father up with some sweet green!
I digress…. So my children walk up, hugs are given and no longer do I feel the stress of a long day! Life is ok; all is right with the world. We climb into the truck and before we leave the parking lot three of them are fighting in the back seat, one is crying two are punching each other all while words such as butthead and fart face are thrown about as frequently as a bug hitting the windshield! So with the calmness of a school librarian 
(they still have those don’t they?) the truck is turned north, our home is no longer an approved destination for I have determined they (our children)are feeling the very same stresses I feel day after day. Their stress revolves around working hard, strengthening the farthest reaches of their little brains during a long day of school! So it would make sense for them to release stress exactly the same way dad does, through spastic, angered verbal retaliation. Of course mine is directed at no one because I am usually home alone. A feeling of daily stress that just can’t be contained from sitting in ones room for being grumpy. Since children can’t drink (not legally anyways) it’s on to the next best thing! Pulling into the Frozen yogurt shop a hearty FRO-YO chant bellows comes from the back seat, sharing the very same exuberance a dock worker feels when his ride home at the end of a long day stops at the local pub for a pint… or two….
Everyone pours out of the truck, piles into the store, flavors are picked, toppings are served and we take our little pint-sized treasures out to the tables in the shade. Not a word is spoken, peace and harmony exists, the only sounds to be heard are that of; thanks dad and mmmmmmmmmm! Ok except for my littlest who between spoonfuls is conducting an imaginary orchestra with his spoon! Holy cow people are staring at him….. Cooollll…… Climbing back into the truck all is right with the world. They have de-stressed, genuine conversation is at the forefront of our ride home. We are a communicating caring family once again! All because of a little sweet FRO-YO.
At home they are playing joyfully in the backyard. Chores completed with smiles and homework finished. I pray they have the ability to stay in Disney/Happiest place in the world mode a little while longer; I’d like their mother to enjoy some of this FRO-YO high as well?
Now where did I put my old friend Jack?
(this story is sarcasm based, no alcohol, children, parents or animals were harmed in the telling of this story)
Your Story
Your Story. For providing shelter from the wind, foilage from the rain, shade to protect the metal that binds your existence I ask this and only this from you.
Only give to those who ask what is needed, never exert under pressure upon our relationship, stand the test of time as have I. But most of all and this I cannot stress enough. Please continue to be my friend. For friendships are hard to come by and it looks as though we may both continue to be here for a very long time..
Said the tree to the well pump…..
via Your Story.
Click on the “Your Story” link above to see the picture..
A hunting we will go…..
SSSSSHHHHHHHHHH! Be very, very quiet……. I’m hunting (you fill in the animal here)!
Pull up your boot straps, put on your best camouflage, sight in your rifle and fill up your camel back! We are going hunting boys! That’s right 2 days two nights of hiking, scouting, hiking, climbing, hiking, crawling through the brush quietly, hiking, doing a lot of praying, and last but not least did I mention all the hiking!
Its deer season and my son wants’ nothing more than to bag one of
California’s finest mule deer! He’s read the reports, checked on the weather and sighted in his rifle. He has painstakingly watched every episode of any and all deer hunting associated shows on television and believes he’s ready for a serious case of “buck fever”!
“Buck Fever” noun
Nervous excitement felt by a novice hunter at the sight of game.
Yep he wants to feel buck fever bad and as his father I can’t help but 
sit back and reflect upon my childhood. All the wonderful memories flooding back like it was yesterday! Seeing the want to fulfill another step towards manhood in a Neanderthal, me man, I provide sort of way is so emotionally moving. Holding a rifle, staring down the sight tube at your intended victim, knowing there will be food on the table tonight! You need to be man enough, steady enough, and calm enough to lay down that one shot, the only shot you’ll get before that buck runs for the hills! Ah the pressure, the excitement, the anticipation!
One problem…
I have never hunted deer. I have hunted pigs; I have spent more than my fair amount of time and a considerable amount of money fishing. But my youth retains no memories of ever going out into the woods to hunt deer. The memories I hold revolve around horses, sheep, 4-H and working on our ranch! I have never felt the longing for hiking endless hours in the woods hoping to find one deer, all alone just waiting for me to kill it! In fact every time I think of hunting deer, it’s not the prospect of delicious venison that awaits me, or the thought of a giant rack hanging on my wall as some form of testosterone filled pride for all to see. Quite the contrary! I go to a much darker place when thinking about hunting deer. A place so dark and foreboding that even the strongest willed man would not survive there without shedding a tear or feeling his soul shake to the very core!
For you see when it comes to hunting deer the message is crystal clear and has been for every man, woman and child since; August 13, 1942!
DON’T GO INTO THE MEADOW!!!!
The movie Bambi has held a polarizing grip upon all of our heart 
strings for 70 freaking years! If you think for one second you can sit there professing how you didn’t cry when Bambi’s mom died at the hands of the hunter! Then I can sit here and call you a fat faced liar!!! Every person I know cried like a baby when Bambi’s mom was shot! The sound of a rifle firing, any rifle firing flashes me back to that very moment when it was assumed she had been killed. Like a bad case of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder the images are all too real! As full grown adults our stomachs get tied up in knots while watching Bambi with our children for the first time because we know! We know she is gonna die and we know that a very detailed explanation of life and death are going to proceed after the hysteria and Kleenex party is over! But what message did Bambi send us self centered human beings? What has Bambi’s legacy taught us all?
Bambi taught us all about respecting nature! Bambi also taught us that animals like humans have families who depend upon them for love and guidance. Bambi allowed us all to glimpse into the life of a 
fledgling young buck. From the joys of birth with birds singing all around to the struggles of a young lad making friends in a new somewhat rough neighborhood! Bambi taught us that it doesn’t matter what kind of animal you are, we can all be friends! It also taught us about the emotional toll taken on a young boy who has just lost his mom! But best of all (this one was a real shocker for yours truly) did you know all animals can speak English? It’s true! Oh they hide behind their wiggling noses, and teeth grinding grass burning jaws, but don’t let that blank stare fool you! They can communicate and will not hesitate to do so the minute your back is turned! But even with all these revelations about the animal community, one thing remains true! Bambi gave us the lesson of a lifetime! You see; by going into the meadow you will die! Simple
as that! Step one foot into the meadow, any meadow and meet your fate at the hands of a plaid wearing, gun toting fool who will kill anything on site! Lesson well learned Mr. Disney, lesson well learned!
As humans we are supposed to love all creatures big and small no matter how tasty they may be smothered in mushrooms, onions-garlic and barbecue sauce! No sir, we must all wake up, putting away our blood lust, welcoming all forms of vegetation for nourishment like the great Brontosaurus or Giraffe! For you see a plant doesn’t hurt, a plant doesn’t feel, if you cut the plant does it cry? If you shoot the tree does it bleed? 
Plants don’t have families curled up sleeping with them out in the open or like the rabbit live in a fully furnished five bedroom hole in the ground complete with kitchen and dining room table! The message is clear, share the earth with all things great and small but don’t eat them.
So by following Disney’s obvious wisdom and not wanting to offend the spirit of the late great Walt Disney
himself, how then do I support my son and his venture with a clear conscience? How do I let my son walk into the wild, hide in some trees, then kill some poor Buck, some deer’s husband, some little deer’s father who happened to wander out into the meadow? How? How I ask you?
I know, I’ll pretend we are a family of T-Rex’s. Problem solved! Even Walt Disney can’t look down from heaven and fault us for that!
P.S. No vegetarians were harmed in the writing of this post. Being a vegetarian is a choice and as with all choices made in life to be respected. Eggplant for everyone!!!!
What my father never taught me about life… cont..
What my father never taught me about life or at the very least I refused to listen too….
Now that we have covered the dating scene lets take a moment to cover marriage and friends. Most people would never correlate the two but I see them as being very similar beasts, almost controlling every emotional aspect of your life.
Side by side the similarities are mind-blowing! Marriage being the 
ultimate friendship, the very top of the ladder, the creme de la creme of relationships! Its you saying “hey friend, we are so good together that I really can’t see myself living life without you so let’s get married” yep legally best friends till death do us part! Whats even better is after the courthouse contract is signed, the two of you get together and seal the deal! No prick of the finger blood buddies pact here, oh no! Just a good old-fashioned, we are in this for the long haul let’s get naked sex!! Don’t you dare frown or lift a Vulcan eyebrow at this tidbit of information, its true! Not a married couple I know hasn’t consummated the deal that night after toasting, and drinking copious amounts of alcohol! Yep legal in the courthouse, signed and sealed with a romp in the hay! Best friends for ever!!!!
Ok, lets take it down a notch, mellow it out a little, a cold shower if you will. As far as rating relationships go everyone has a “best friend” you know the one person who is like a sibling! Always there when you need them, you have done everything together, the two of you were inseparable before the “better half” walked into the 
picture! That emotionally available someone who gets you! That one person you can shop with, see a movie together, visit male strip clubs with, shoot at a gasoline tanker then jump off a cliff while professing your undying love for each other! That best friend.
Here is the thing about these relationships, (BFF & Spouse) one can’t survive without the other. If your best friend doesn’t like your better half, life sucks! If your better half doesn’t like your best friend, life sucks. If your better half complains about all your friends, you guessed it, life sucks. If you can’t stand her best friend or the myriad of other friends she has, life sucks! So as you can see the two are very much the same emotional animal!
I have no real advise here, but this little tid-bit does come to mind. If it’s too hard, as in; if you feel as though you have to work really hard all the time putting out emotional fires between any and all parties. It’s not worth it, move on. there are 6,973,738,433 people on this crazy sphere we call earth. Move on make new friends, bond with a new better half, they are out there, just move on…
Friends 
Through your life they (friends) will come and go. I have had many wonderful people walk in and right back out that friendship door. Some of them I miss greatly, others I wouldn’t cross the street to piss on their burning ashes. But because of all these people I have developed a sense of worth, as in what’s my friendship worth to you or visa-versa.
A true friend.
- Never complains (joking aside) that you haven’t called or stopped by, they understand how hectic life can become and cherish that very moment you are able to reconnect with them.
- Will drop what they are doing to help no matter the reason. Yes there are extenuating circumstances, but over a period of time this person will show their true colors.
- Will tell you when there’s a booger hanging from your nose.
- Lets you borrow the car unconditionally. Yeah that’s the way we roll..
- Knows when to “leave it alone” and also knows the exact moment “not” to leave it alone.
- Never judges you, but isn’t afraid to tell you what they think about your choices.
- Always has a couch for you in a time of need.
- Knows your birthday
- Hates your boss with you!
- Will bail you out of jail, but not before tagging you in Facebook “places”.
- Lets you fart.
- Will watch your kids and parent them as their own.
- Thinks your funny.
- Will help you move.
- Knows the difference between a weekend in Vegas and a VEGAS WEEKEND!!!
- Will fly with you to a foreign country delivering aid to people they don’t know.
- Shares your love of beers from around the world.
- Will hold your hair when you puke while posting a picture of you doing so on Facebook.
- Can pick up a conversation 20 years later as though it ended yesterday.
- Still sees you as young no matter how old you become.
The perfect spouse
- All of the above!
- Plus sex.
Marriage
Marriage is a unique commitment between two people saying we are in this for a lifetime. But I believe today’s society has not allowed 
most couples to fully grasp the commitment portion of this pact. Marriage is romanticized in society as this easy-going love affair that never ends between two people. Always filled with happy endings, puppies and kisses on the veranda at dusk. (Thank you Hollywood)
In reality marriage can become like the aforementioned description with the exception of an occasional disagreement that sometimes goes on for days leaving you sleeping on the couch because there is no way in hell you are sleeping next to queen stubborn! Sorry I digress…
Marriage has all the qualities of a great friendship combined with an overwhelming attraction both mentally, physically and emotionally between two people. The phrase; My soul mate, comes to mind. The key (in my opinion) to a great marriage is compromise. That word alone is one of the hardest for most young couples to grasp! At an 
early age most of us are overly educated (both scholarly and from the school of hard knocks) very sure of ourselves and refuse to be proven wrong. Throw a like-minded partner into the mix and even the simplest of disagreements can become toxic with discontent in a very short time. What couples need to know is there is no right or wrong. Both of your opinions are valid, both of your reasoning’s are sound, by refusing to see your partners side of an issue you are the reason for discontent in the situation. Compromise. Sometimes you agree to disagree while laying validity to another point of view. Both sides walk away happy, marriage intact.
Last but not least; and I can’t stress this point enough, when it comes to marriage and compromise, never-and I mean NEVER, go to bed angry. Its easier to say you are sorry, (truthful or not) let it go and forget about the issue, then it is to hold your ground allowing the issue to fester overnight creating an emotional monster that will take an army to bring down. Trust me, I am very stubborn and opinionated (no kidding right) I have recognized on numerous occasions my inherit ability to come across as a giant pain in the ass! 
By just dropping the subject, changing my tone, then politely saying I am sorry, many nights resigned to the couch have been avoided.
So there it is, marriage and friendships are basically the same thing. Trust me, there are some friends I should have treated more like spouses and a spouse that I thoroughly enjoy having as my best friend.
What my father never taught me about life…. Continued
What my father never taught me about life or at the very least I refused to listen too….
(Cont….)
As with my last posting, this is hard-earned wisdom spread to all who lay their eyes upon it. An old saying “learn from your elders” has never rung more true. Advice mixed with blatant sarcasm and humor.
Women
Women, girls, gals, the opposite sex; The center of the universe to us knuckle dragging, heavy breathing, prankster playing, ignorant, slobbering boys. Here is where the rubber meets the road, for you see in our society we focus learning through a structured education environment, but even so, when it comes to the opposite sex we fall flat on our face every time! Oh sure there are plenty of quality programs teaching our youth about men and women, our functionality when it comes to the nether region, the proper or in proper use of birth control, all of which I will cover further down the line. But what about the basic understanding of women? What about the simplest of simple, getting to understand how much different women/girls are from men/boys?
Books, educational classes, seminars, late night T.V. there’s a myriad of avenues pursuing knowledge on this subject! psychology professors, writers, and money-grubbing hacks from around the world vying for your every dollar, under the guise of helping you better understand the vast difference between men and women. (beyond I have a penis, you have a vagina) In reality the people who should be explaining this whole process are uncomfortable, the people responsible for ensuring your mental prowess in regards to this issue are not preparing you adequately for the uphill battle you will eventually face! Its like telling Rocky Balboa to study trigonometry before a prize-fight, don’t worry about all that physical training stuff, you got this champ! Without training, he’s gonna lose!
I have suited up in my jogging suit, skull-cap pulled down tight, time to become the Burgess Meredith of young lad inter sexes relationship training! Only for a moment, but just long enough to spread the wealth of knowledge I have learned the hard way over my 46 years on this planet.
WOMEN ARE BATSHIT CRAZY!!!!
There we are, that’s all you need to know! Now go forth and spread the word to all your friends so they too understand the widening gap between men and women hinges on the fact women are batshit crazy
!! This of course leads to an impossible melding of communication between the two. As far as what exactly both men and women are thinking at that crucial moment of a communication, that second you begin building interpersonal relationships! I belive after carefully watching the two species in thier most intimate of settings (the local pub) it goes something like this:
Men: DDDDUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHH-Oh yeah beer. DDDDDDUUUUHHHHH-oh yeah you pretty! DDDDUUUUUUUUUHHHHHH- must eat to survive! Have sex, spreading my seed upon the world.
Women: The sounds of a thousand angels repeating all the worries of the world in unison. Then taking a moment out to recognize this man has needs too. Motherly instincts take over…
Yep I could out do Marlin Perkins from Mututal of Ohmahas wild kingdom!
Just kidding no hate comments please!!!
Now that I have your attention. I wish my father would have better prepared me to understand women. It would have helped prevent awkward situations like when I pushed little Marlo down in 2nd grade because I thought she was swell. Pushing my buddies down was a common occurrence it happened all the time, they pushed me, I pushed them, that’s how we knew we were buddies! Or when I argued my way out of a “girlfriend” in 7th grade because she thought she knew more about cars than I did. (if you were unsure about my automobile knowledge base just read a few of my past blogs in regards this topic) Hey dad, how about teaching me about self-confidence, instead of belittling every female experience I ever had, then maybe I would have felt a little stronger when it came to being dumped! What about having a “girlfriend”. Yeah believe it or not men can be friends without having the urge to kiss said friend. ( my entire high school life) Although kissing really is fun with the right set of lips!
There are so many differences in the way men and women/boys and girls think. Yet we are sending our young lads out to do romantic/relationship battle without being prepared! Seems to me this equates to sending a military sniper to the roof top without a rifle!
Our young lads need to be taught that love is much more than kissing and sex! Women on occasion equate love to long walks, building a relationship, holding hands and talking. All of this of course eventually leading up to kissing and when the moment is right, sex! Yep its true! Not a woman out there that doesn’t wish for a good romp in the hay now and again! They have the same needs as men, she just goes about it a little differently than you do junior!
Men equate love to getting laid! Of course that is the furthest extreme. Men also equate 
love to a first kiss. If a girl/woman has taken the time to push her sweet-smelling, soft, perfect little lips up to your smelly, dirty, sweaty, gruff face then it must be love! Right? Right?????
Men/boys you are ready to profess your undying love the minute your slobbering kisser pulls away from hers! Fireworks shooting in the air, funny, uncontrollable stiffness in the nether region, cold sweat pouring from your skin. Why yes Watson its obvious, it must be love! NOT!!!
Women/girls on the other hand are a little more controlled. They pull away from your slobbering lips, they appear flustered and bewildered. They may even move in for one or two more kisses, just long enough to make said nether region wish for an ice pack. This is all part of their devious plan to keep you wanting more! Eyeballs staring, eyelashes batting, looking at you as if you were the center of the universe! Then as quickly as the fireworks began, the show is over. Why? Because they are smart enough, even at an early 
age to recognize that stiffness you carry is just as uncomfortable for them as it is for you. Women/girls step away, leave you wanting more, head home/walk inside/ get out of the car and immediately call their best friend! Why? Because son, its evaluation time! No instant love here, she needs to understand what she is feeling! She and her friends all have a score card with your name on it and its evaluation time! She needs to know; and I mean know, you are worthy of a second kiss! A second date, or maybe even if your lucky, permission to be seen in public (by public I mean her friends) with her! Where us men/boys are like panting dogs in heat, the lasses are sizing up the competition, taking notes and preparing for the final. Will you pass, will you end up her girlfriend, just a friend, or a booty call? Only she knows and all you can do is cool your jets and be patient, that is if being more than a friend is at the top of your list.
Dating
Heres where I learned many hard lessons. The time-honored tradition of stepping out with acquaintances, complete strangers or that girl you have known for a long time as just a friend. Dating was fun, I enjoyed meeting new people, having a good time, and many lifelong friends from large get together have come from within the dating scene. But there are some things every lad should know before walking out that door. Heed these words oh young ones or suffer the consequences! The choice is yours…
- Never sleep with her on the first date. I don’t care how bad you both want it, this option in the end (9 times out of 10) never turns out well.
- Never profess your love to soon. (explained above, just a reminder)
- Always offer to pick up the check. Yes society is supposedly based on equality, but this little portion falls under gentlemanly manners. If she wishes to split it, let it be her choice. You wouldn’t ask a business partner to lunch then stiff them for the bill would you?
- Always open the door for your date. I still open the door for everyone and anyone headed my way. It’s not chauvinistic, it’s not chivalrous, it’s just plain good manners.
- Dont swear during conversation. (Cant emphasize that one enough!) That goes for you gals as well. Nothing is a bigger turn off the than having dinner with Marge the trucker!
- It’s ok to be nervous. Be honest about it, don’t try to cover up your nervousness with stupid jokes or careless banter it only makes things worse.
- Talk openly and honestly, the conversation will travel all over the board once you are comfortable. What a great way to find out if you wish to see this person again.
- Dont pretend to be something you are not. Women can see through the bullshit! they have x-ray eyes and Vulcan mind tricks! The polygraph was invented after an intensive study of the female brain! True story, true story…..
- Little known fact (ok in my opinion), men are attracted by sight first; smells second,
personality third. Women are attracted by smells first, personality second and looks third. So smell good, and I don’t mean your fathers old spice after shave or that god awful Axe! Besides with Axe according to the commercials you will be fighting off throngs of swimsuit models all night and well that just leads to an uncomfortable situation with a lot of explaining to do! Simple smells, be showered, clean and a subtle breath mint wouldn’t hurt. - Women/girls are not attracted to you because of the car you drive. I know this goes against everything our friends have led us to believe! If she is attracted to you because of your car, odds are she is a shallow, self-centered money grubber. But then if your world revolves around the most expensive object you can obtain then you’re probably the very same type person; perfect for each other! Someday, some lawyer will make a fortune separating all of your material items. Most women/girls have a simple car ratings list, or so I have heard over the years. Here is my take on the whole car issue after listening to many conversations over time. Overly lifted four-wheel drive truck-small penis, no brains. $200,000 dollar sports car; small penis-daddy issues. Economy car- brainy, mommy issues, geek. Fast and Furious car- immature, horrific, poor due every penny being spent on a funny little colored car with a wing on the back= small penis. All other vehicles ding, ding, ding we have a winner! A woman/girl only really cares that your car is clean, it’s not a junker, and its reliable. They all show a level of being responsible without being a dud.
to be continued……….
They call me Betty 