I have become an electronic zombie

It breaks my heart when I see people wasting or frittering away their lives. 

So wrapped up in our own self importance, worried about what we believe others will think about how we look, act or react to life around us that we fail to just recognize and appreciate our own self worth.

The internet and social media warping words, bending the truth and consistently bombarding us with so many personal, social and irrelevant issues we can no longer begin to comprehend, let alone handle our own problems without creating a public spectacle. 

Anger, hate and disgust for all creeps like an elephant, thundering, shaking as it pours from our fingers tips for all to see. 

Our lives driven constantly by an emotion not of our doing, but created for our undying attention or entertainment as we stare into the handheld zombie sucking dry what remains of an ability to think for ourselves. 

Our lives, locked in a box that lets us go nowhere, do nothing without a thread, status update, like or post. A neural overload of useless information with no basis in reality, only assumption and lust. 

When you die, and you will, does it really matter how many “likes” you obtained? Will you have lived life for you, or for what you believe others want to see? Can you lay your head down for the last time knowing you made a positive difference in the world? Were you a catalyst for change or as stated above did you fritter it all away, for nothing? 

Stop living your lives through the falsehoods of others, attached to half truths and lies perpetrated upon your unwavering electronic devotion. 

Go out and live! Experience, create a personal, exceptional, positive narrative that bathes your inner soul. For to feast solely on what you are being fed by others can only lead to starvation, to a lack of fulfillment. 

We as a society seem to have forgotten what a gift this thing called life really is and trust me when I say; it’s to late once it’s gone. 

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I have become an electronic zombie

It breaks my heart when I see people wasting or frittering away their lives. 

So wrapped up in our own self importance, worried about what we believe others will think about how we look, act or react to life around us that we fail to just recognize and appreciate our own self worth.

The internet and social media warping words, bending the truth and consistently bombarding us with so many personal, social and irrelevant issues we can no longer begin to comprehend, let alone handle our own problems without creating a public spectacle. 

Anger, hate and disgust for all creeps like an elephant, thundering, shaking as it pours from our fingers tips for all to see. 

Our lives driven constantly by an emotion not of our doing, but created for our undying attention or entertainment as we stare into the handheld zombie sucking dry what remains of an ability to think for ourselves. 

Our lives, locked in a box that lets us go nowhere, do nothing without a thread, status update, like or post. A neural overload of useless information with no basis in reality, only assumption and lust. 

When you die, and you will, does it really matter how many “likes” you obtained? Will you have lived life for you, or for what you believe others want to see? Can you lay your head down for the last time knowing you made a positive difference in the world? Were you a catalyst for change or as stated above did you fritter it all away, for nothing? 

Stop living your lives through the falsehoods of others, attached to half truths and lies perpetrated upon your unwavering electronic devotion. 

Go out and live! Experience, create a personal, exceptional, positive narrative that bathes your inner soul. For to feast solely on what you are being fed by others can only lead to starvation, to a lack of fulfillment. 

We as a society seem to have forgotten what a gift this thing called life really is and trust me when I say; it’s to late once it’s gone. 

To go gentle into that good night.

Do not go gentle into that good night, Old age should burn and rave at close of day; Rage, rage against the dying of the light. Though wise men at their end know dark is right, Because their words had forked no lightning they Do not go gentle into that good night. Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay, Rage, rage against the dying of the light. Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight, And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way, Do not go gentle into that good night. Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay, Rage, rage against the dying of the light. And you, my father, there on the sad height, Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray. Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

From The Poems of Dylan Thomas

 

This poem has resonated with me since that of a young man. I have had it stuck in my head for months now trying my hardest to determine what it means to me.

It brings about stirred emotions of an unwavering inner strength, tormenting whispers of the unknown, and an inner fight that arises much like a demon awaiting a moment to reign terror upon those who doubt its power. For there are those who will challenge your age, your wisdom and use the word to chip away at all that you are, have accomplished in life, or look to become. They don’t understand this poem speaks to everyone, not just those who proudly wear the wrinkles of time.

And so with that said I write..

The assumed stands before demise.

So expected and anticipated according to annals of time that my brain is washed by hollowed expectation.

Waiting and waiting to crumble so frail. My strength gone from age’s elastration.

But I refuse to go gentle into that good night

I have too much to lose by allowing forked tongues in shaping my destiny

To live, to breathe, to gather life in a bottle and sip upon its soulful nourishment

A man whose wrinkles should bring about empathy while disparaging apathy

I am strong, I am whole, I am man, I shall move forward no matter life’s dreadful weight

A second half of life laden with baggage and yet its burden bears no consequence 

I cry for those entrapped, ones who are youthfully pointed towards, a folly of jokes and insults fall upon this wasteland created through a wrinkle of time. Burdening a man’s soul it does, with stereotypes of ancient freight.

For they too shall bare ages haunting truth and most likely through inner weakness go gently into that good night

Sickle in hand, cloaked from light.

But not I, for quiet has never been my right.

 

It feels as though lately people are dying all around me, I can no longer ignore this truth. I am starting to feel the pressure to survive at all costs. Every time I turn around another child has gone, another mother is ill, another father has crossed over to the other side. Some I learn from phone calls or social media and others because I was there, my hands unable to help. It has brought me to fully understand that I can longer hide behind disbelief, a realization rings solid that yes we all really do have an expiration date.

For years we have known this to be true; but we never think it could possibly happen to us. It can and yes it does. In the blink of an eye, this glorious gift given us from God can be taken away. Our hearts beat loudly, our minds work endlessly and yet it is all for nothing once our bodies have vanished.

Every day driving into town, there is always something that reminds me how much I love life. Our world is very complex and filled with so many wonderful things, I just find it hard to fathom that at some point in time I will no longer be here to enjoy the majesty that continually surrounds me.

I have seen and felt so many things in this short life, more than some less than others. I have cried until there were no tears left to give, laughed until my stomach felt like one giant cramp, put my fist through a solid door and thrown a wrench through a wall in shame and or anger. I have hugged another, held out a welcoming open hand and used those same hands to bring pain upon another’s wrongful deeds.  I have screamed towards the sky, lied to appease emotions, and mumbled quietly at the voices in my head, begging them to leave me alone. I have not only felt my pain, but your pain as well because of a sworn life choice. I have sat befuddled by life’s obstacles, gazing upon an open field wondering, praying, and yearning for answers to so many questions. Some days the answers come, most days they do not, and then there are days I believe obstacles have been placed in my way to keep me from myself.

In my humble opinion.

This life it was not meant to be easy, it was meant to be experienced.

You may not currently like the experience, you may not enjoy the outcome at any moment in time. But know this; this life, it is yours. It is not someone else’s, it belongs to you and you alone. It is up to you in determining how you see life’s obstacles, how you react when life’s ugliness knocks upon your door. Do you stand tall, find the answers and move forward? Do you strive to provide positivity, a ray of light and hope or do you bury your head in the sand ignoring the life around you?

Do you simply become that who goes gentle into that good night?

I have and always will choose to fight.

It’s in my nature, it is who I am..

Who are you?

 

 

Nana, nana, boo, boo, You hate me and I hate you! Now vote one of us in as President!

I promised I wasn’t going to do it! I swore to heavens and earth above I wouldn’t bite! There was in no way, no how going to be anything spewing forth publicly from this miniscule opinion generating brain. My voice doesn’t matter, my thoughts don’t count, I am but a spec upon this island for no one but time, and sun to erode.

And then we watched the Presidential debates, together, as a family.

Betty has been very quiet, nothing to report on the home front and no great stories to share. But this is too great and it involves family which is what my blog is solely about! Now being an aforementioned on occasion very opinionated individual, there has been thankfully an edge removed by years of experiences and of course age. So before I ramble further into this dissertation let me profess my utmost admiration to those who are so passionate about their political affiliations. So driven, and fueled by a belief system that they would die upon the cross of either blue or red before ever, and I mean ever wavering from the platform for which they stand upon.

I can no longer possess those feelings.

Call it age, temperance, wisdom, having lived 5 generations or personally been a part of 5 elected US Presidents. The thought of voting even today is something not taken for granted, although this year I have slacked and been running a “vote for none of the above” or “vote for me” satirical campaign. It has been purely for fun! Yet voting is one of the most important benefits of living in a free society. The very passion these individuals drive onward with in regards to their personal political affiliation has become the angriest, most overrated and vile show of blinder wearing, eyes covered, ears deafened allegiance I have ever witnessed. If there was ever a time in history when thousands of Americans felt more powerless, as if their vote didn’t count after witnessing through TV, social media and every news or supposed news outlet on the planet this anger, bullying, and condescending political climate thrust upon us every day citizens. It is right now!

Thus we get to the gist of family and why I am expounding away my political angst.

We as a family have watched this circus together as we would for any political process. Doing our very best in explaining to our children how important it is for us to vote in a candidate that best represents us, not the American people, but us! As in their mother and I, as in who my oldest best feels follows his beliefs and how he feels the country should be run. We have tried hard to instill values within our children in regards to hard work equals reward, to always step up and do the right thing, that cheaters never prosper, and as long as you keep honesty in your heart while standing by your convictions you will never fail.

So then how on earth do these two candidates measure up?

One son believes they are both crooked idiots who have no business running this country, the other likes the Donald with no plausible explanation, my daughter isn’t so sure of either but as she put it; between the two I would always vote for the girl and my youngest just looks up funny parodies of both candidates on You tube!

Much like each of the moderators during this debate season it has been a challenge trying to keep not only ourselves but our kids focused on facts and or issues. Never in my life do I remember a series of debates or a presidential run that boiled down to nothing more than supposed political experts arguing over idiotic soundbites, clips, and excerpts of such magnitude! Watching these post-debate bobble heads rattle on with such one sided rhetoric and overwhelming disdain is hard to process as an adult, let alone trying to find some gem of truth or knowledge to help one make an INFORMED (key word) decision or translate any usable information to four children sitting mouth aghast at the verbal carnage they have just witnessed.

One candidate has multiple investigations against them, truths, possible untruths, alleged voter fraud, and supposedly placing in house personnel to incite violence at rallies of their opponent! Of course there is also claims of mishandling money, policies and overseas affairs including military actions. Standing tall this person professes the importance of woman’s rights, protecting women, and highlighting what an example she will set for all women to come while hiding behind a history of allowing then covering up her husband’s multiple infidelities while intimidating those who may oppose her. A candidate with more political experience than many others, a history of also making positive changes not just here in America but around the globe through humanitarian efforts both her and her husband chair. Oh a certain opponent claims Haiti hates this couple but having served in Haiti over two summers I personally know the Haitian people love this family and appreciate all they have provided. She remains someone who by all rights is the single most powerful woman in America and that does not come from portraying oneself as a soft loving Ms. Cleaver type much to the chagrin of several male counterparts! To be a woman of power in today’s tough highly charged political arena I believe one must be much tougher than their male adversaries (which is a sad state of equality), making tough decisions and then standing by them! But it is hard to stand for something by being against something only to stand for it again when the political climate suits you! Another point lost on me during this whole process. It seems we as a society have forgotten it is ok to change one’s mind! It is how we grow as human beings, evolve. But to change it back and forth shows no growth, but weakness to appease a person or group for which you are surrounded. One must also be able to hold their head high and admit when a mistake has or was made, along with answering for any actions or charges if that is what’s owed of that mistake. What message do we send our youth when time and again a political subject continually circumvents the system to their own benefit! Using wealth and power to purchase themselves from a punishment any of us average citizens would be crucified over. You the candidate are by the people, of the people and for the people! So you should answer to the people! Not profess you forgot or just don’t recall!

This candidates responses during each of the debates were well rehearsed, well formulated, with impeccable timing and delivery. They made us feel all warm and fuzzy like a blanket on a cold winter’s night. Protecting. They were so well done, that no one in my house, not even my youngest believed her. Through the eyes of a child I suppose. But when a child listens, looks and proclaims you seem to be lying, you may very well be doing just that, for that declaration comes through the eyes of innocence.

What to do, what to do!

Oh yes, there is the OTHER candidate!

This man, oh lord where to begin? He comes across as a school yard bully, the type that never had anyone punch them right in the nose! Something we as a society have gotten away from with our belief that all violence is bad. I am sorry, but some of the best lessons I ever learned about reading people came in the school yard. Learning when and where to say something and just how far you could push an agenda. This of course came to conclusion at the end of a well-placed fist! Sometimes people just need their reset button tripped! No one has ever tripped his! He says what he wants, when he wants and doesn’t give two shits who is at the receiving end! Although many believe this is what we need in the White House, my personal belief and history says not so. Even the toughest of talking former presidents had tact, he does not. What this man does is not admirable, it’s not awe inspiring, it makes no headway with any one; it is careless, reckless and not Presidential at all. This old saying pops into my head when I think about the power this office holds and what it means to be President of these United States.

Be nice, be nice some more, be as nice as you can be until it is time to no longer be nice. Then make no mistake about your ability to act or incite a change. The smartest person in the room is the one who gets their opponent to thank them for the beating when it is over. Those who stand tall with honor and dignity stand fast.

There is no honor, there is no dignity, and this appears as nothing more than a sideshow playtime for this individual. Another season of a reality show for which he is the star; another episode of the Apprentice! Because in reality that is what he is right now!!! An apprentice to the highest office in our land! He only cares about ratings and tweets! We were all talking about him acting like a child during the debate with such strong retorts as: No you’re a puppet! No you are! You are a puppet! Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! Why not finish it off with; I know you are but what am I? I’m like oil and you’re like glue, words slip off me and stick to you! ARRRRGGGGGG!!!!

I will say this; this is a business man, not a politician. Both a positive and a curse. He has built something from nothing. I don’t care where he got his loan from to start his business, and even our children were smart enough to understand some of the counter arguments against him fall flat. For as a businessman your loan could be $5000.00 or $5,000000.00 dollars it doesn’t matter, you need to succeed, you must succeed and you are going to take advantage of every loop hole and tax law afforded you to succeed! You are going to outsource to make a profit and there are going to be people you employ who are going to either love you or hate your dam guts! It is the nature of the beast! He has made something from nothing, he has succeeded, you can clamor all you want about bankruptcy, loans, unpaid debt but in the end he has succeeded several times over and I believe our country does need someone like that in a position of power. A person to renegotiate some very bad deals made in the past, someone with the ability to negotiate future upcoming deals or propositions that put our country on the edge both financially and humanitarianly. But for the love of all that is holy, have a plan! Share that plan, all of your plan not just bits and pieces in soundbites or on your web site; and again, much like your counterpart, quit pandering to the middle class! You have no idea what being middle class is like so don’t act like you recognize our strife! Because you both don’t! Please give us something with meat, not just really good quotes, teasing those who refuse to do their homework into believing you are the coming savior! You and you alone are going to ride in on a white unicorn farting skittles rainbows righting all that is wrong! You are not the messiah of financial resurgence within our low income and middle classes; because if you Mr. Candidate truly believe that you are; then Mr. Candidate you haven’t done your homework! The middle class have carried the burden of this country for a very long time and one proposed future president with a few ideas is not going to change that or even make life a little better for us over night as you make it appear!!! We have heard this speech, our parents have heard this speech and none of us are buying it! Explaining to my children while trying my best to read between this candidates lines has been nightmarish to say the least.

So what do we do? No one in my family and that includes those who cannot vote believe either candidate is worthy of this office. Friends and family who are undecided such as ourselves also toss about a resounding vote for the least of two evils.

The problem with that assumption is I can’t bring myself to vote for the lessor! I am trying to teach our children to stand by their convictions, don’t vote for something because you have too! Don’t give up your ethics, or moral beliefs to fill someone else’s needs! Be your own person! Your say matters and if your say is none of the above then so be it! If enough people speak up and scream none of the above then our government needs to listen! Right? A resounding NO means end of story!

Or is it!

You know that pesky little thing us Americans refer to as our Constitution? You know that long, wordy piece of parchment by which our entire country was built upon! Well the U.S. Constitution has something to say about that! As I explained to our children a very, very long time ago there was this group of really old guys who enjoyed wearing wigs (that always gets a chuckle) and besides dressing in funny outfits while donning said wigs they had one thing on their mind. Our country. Our countries ability to evolve over time, grow and become one land run by free thinking men, men with vision, men who understood oppression and the ramifications of leadership built upon power, money and over taxation. These visions involving the ultimate freedom of man empowered them through hard work and an ability to form a constituency that kept those beliefs while moving our country forward.

Hence the 12th amendment.

The 12th Amendment replaced a procedure provided in Article ll, section 1, Clause 3 by which the Electoral College functioned. Problems with the original procedure arose in the elections of 1796 and 1800. The Twelfth Amendment refined this process whereby a President and Vice President are elected by the Electoral College. The Amendment was proposed by Congress on December 9, 1803 and ratified by the requisite three-fourth majority on June 15, 1804 and reads as such;

The Electors shall meet in their respective states, and vote by ballot for President and Vice-President, one of whom, at least, shall not be an inhabitant of the same state with themselves; they shall name in their ballots the person voted for as President, and in distinct ballots the person voted for as Vice-President, and they shall make distinct lists of all persons voted for as President, and all persons voted for as Vice-President and of the number of votes for each, which lists they shall sign and certify, and transmit sealed to the seat of the government of the United States, directed to the President of the Senate.

The President of the Senate shall, in the presence of the Senate and House of Representatives, open all the certificates and the votes shall then be counted.

The person having the greatest Number of votes for President, shall be the President, if such number be a majority of the whole number of Electors appointed; and if no person have such majority, then from the persons having the highest numbers not exceeding three on the list of those voted for as President, the House of Representatives shall choose immediately, by ballot, the President. But in choosing the President, the votes shall be taken by states, the representation from each state having one vote; a quorum for this purpose shall consist of a member or members from two-thirds of the states, and a majority of all the states shall be necessary to a choice. And if the House of Representatives shall not choose a President whenever the right of choice shall devolve upon them, before the fourth day of March next following, then the Vice-President shall act as President, as in the case of the death or other constitutional disability of the President.

 

The person having the greatest number of votes as Vice-President, shall be the Vice-President, if such number be a majority of the whole number of Electors appointed, and if no person have a majority, then from the two highest numbers on the list, the Senate shall choose the Vice-President; a quorum for the purpose shall consist of two-thirds of the whole number of Senators, and a majority of the whole number shall be necessary to a choice. But no person constitutionally ineligible to the office of President shall be eligible to that of Vice-President of the United States.

So yes; Hate both candidates all you like, in the end either The House of Representatives will vote one of them into office for you, or the Vice President with the most votes cast will assume office.

With that being said; explaining to our children the importance of our voting process has just become more of a priority than I envisioned. The Electoral College rules the day. In reality WE the people voted for everyone who currently sits in government positions, WE the people chose who WE believe best represents us from the local county commission to a state senate seat. So WE have no one but ourselves to blame if those individuals have now placed these two amazingly entertaining human beings before us. Our votes really do matter, no matter what anyone tells you, though it is unfortunate the majority have come to believe the smaller offices don’t mean as much in the grand scheme of things, and therefore our President and Vice President are all we should really care about when elections come around.

In the end, three years of multiple people pandering for your support, two individuals chosen to represent the two major parties, three debates between those two to hopefully enlighten us, and three chances for us to take off the party aligned blinders so we may look, listen and hear, I mean actually hear what these two are proposing. Three perfectly good chances to exemplify, show our children the majesty that is the electoral process. Hoping in the end they walk away feeling the importance and honor it is to have an opportunity for casting a vote in this wonderful country or ours. Something so many take for granted, including the political thumping die hard party liners. We are blessed to live in a land filled with human beings from around the world searching for freedom, hope and a chance for a better life much as our great grandfathers did many years ago.

Instead, on this evening, the last evening of debate all we walked away with was nana nana boo boo you hate me and I hate you! Yup, that pathetic. Along with four teenage jaws, wide open on the ground at witnessing another deplorable example of our modern day ratings centered, hatred mongering, no class future filled with dishonesty, lack of trust, and all out discord while proving if you bend the rules hard enough, or say enough nasty things about your opponent you too may one day become President of these United States.

God help us all..

 

 

 

 

 

A letter from the past…

letter

1,486 days until 50 years of age.

Recently while rummaging through some old keepsakes I came across a letter.  Now while most of us at some time or another have kept letters from old boyfriends or girlfriends, or  from our parents while we were away at camp, even notes from friends, this letter was a little different.

Wrapped in a dingy standard, business envelope it was thin, wrinkled and worn.  The writing on its face was faded and simple, addressed to me from me.  You see it was dated 1984. Mailed from the office of my old high school, a project straight from the bowels of a creative writing class.  Premise;write a letter to yourself to be opened when you reach 25. Address it to your parents home to ensure you receive it and be “creative”.

Well being the pretentious Teaching Assistant that I had become, the whole thing seemed stupid and as such the writing was poignant to say the least. The letter was all of a 1/2 page written on wrinkled binder paper and said: Well asshole if you are reading this then good job! You made it to 25, now give yourself a pat on the back for still being alive.  Never thought you would make it past 21! You are still a loser. Hope you still have some friends to pester.  Loser!

So what does this all have to do with the price of tea in China and most of all my count down towards turning 50?

The letter drew a sad emotional response. Sad that I wasted a perfectly good opportunity to write something pertinent, honest, heartfelt, whimsical or even just plain factual.  Yet I threw away that time being a punk to myself.  Shorting myself with an alloof flippant attitude towards something that could have captured the feelings of being a teenager in the 80’s.  A paragraph, a page, a note, a quotation, anything to show myself and the world development, growth and the ability to change, adapt and overcome life’s challenges and obstacles. To be able to map a path taken between the age of 17 and 25, from 25 to 46 and into the future.

Then I read it again and you know what, strangely that may be  exactly what I accomplished. Not eloquently mind you but looking beyond that moronic statement to who I was at 25 its there, you just need to read between the lines.  When I was young, I was a know it all, selfish, moody little bitch.  To be quite honest if my 46-year-old persona met my 17-year-old moronic self, I do not think we would like each other very much. I would probably kick my own ass! You see back then if we were friends, I was a loud joke cracking fool, if we didn’t know each other I hung back in the corners like a wall flower scared of his own shadow.  I was a contradiction of introvert and extrovert all rolled into one.  Some days you just never knew who you where going to get. In some ways I am still that way today, with the exception that as an adult hanging back in the corner of the room allows me a few moments to figure out who all the “players” are and how to approach people.

Getting closer to 50 has given me the chance to reflect on my life, where it has been and where it is headed.  I see a lot of the same attributes in my oldest teenage son and I am worried for him.  He is at a stage where emotions, testosterone and the inability to become outwardly friendly towards new people have paralyzed his ability to cope with strange situations.  He is moody and if you are his friend he is the dry witted life of the party, but if he doesn’t know you he clams up and can’t even muster the strength to say a word while he stares at the ground.

Part of me wishes my 17-year-old self could come back to life so he sees there is hope. As his father I want to protect him, but I know he needs to fall on his face to learn how to handle the rough edge of life.  Learning from every encounter, mistake, misfortune and success are the building blocks to a foundation that forms our adult existence.  I don’t know how to bring out the best in him, I don’t know how to tell him I went through all the same feelings as a kid without him tuning me out as his father telling the tale of walking both ways uphill in the snow barefoot to school.

But most of all I don’t want him someday to become mired in the fact he is closing in on 50 years of age  while reading a letter from some 17-year-old asshole known as himself….

quote

My Words of Wisdom for the Day

Welcomed or not life brings change. You may not like it, you don’t always need to understand it, but you should do your very best to embrace it. Remembering with change comes new opportunity, growth and adventure. Without those three things life wouldn’t be a journey worth exploring. Just saying…
Carry on that is all..

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What my father never taught me about life…. Continued

What my father never taught me about life or at the very least I refused to listen too….

(Cont….)

As with my last posting, this is hard-earned wisdom spread to all who lay their eyes upon it.  An old saying “learn from your elders” has never rung more true.  Advice mixed with blatant sarcasm and humor.

Women

Women, girls, gals, the opposite sex; The center of the universe to us knuckle dragging, heavy breathing, prankster playing, ignorant, slobbering boys.  Here is where the rubber meets the road, for you see in our society we focus learning through a structured education environment, but even so, when it comes to the opposite sex we fall flat on our face every time!  Oh sure there are plenty of quality programs teaching our youth about men and women, our functionality when it comes to the nether region, the proper or in proper use of birth control, all of which I will cover further down the line.  But what about the basic understanding of women?  What about the simplest of simple, getting to understand how much different women/girls are from men/boys?

Books, educational classes, seminars, late night T.V. there’s a myriad of avenues pursuing knowledge on this subject! psychology professors, writers, and money-grubbing hacks from around the world vying for your every dollar, under the guise of helping you better understand the vast difference between men and women. (beyond I have a penis, you have a vagina) In reality the people who should be explaining this whole process are uncomfortable, the people responsible for ensuring your mental prowess in regards to this issue are not preparing you adequately for the uphill battle you will eventually face! Its like telling Rocky Balboa to study trigonometry before a prize-fight, don’t worry about all that physical training stuff, you got this champ! Without training, he’s gonna lose!

I have suited up in my jogging suit, skull-cap pulled down tight, time to become the Burgess Meredith of young lad inter sexes relationship training! Only for a moment, but just long enough to spread the wealth of knowledge I have learned the hard way over my 46 years on this planet.

WOMEN ARE BATSHIT CRAZY!!!!

There we are, that’s all you need to know! Now go forth and spread the word to all your friends so they too understand the widening gap between men and women hinges on the fact women are batshit crazy!! This of course leads to an impossible melding of communication between the two. As far as what exactly both men and women are thinking at that crucial moment of a communication, that second you begin building interpersonal relationships! I belive after carefully watching the two species in thier most intimate of settings (the local pub) it goes something like this:

Men: DDDDUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHH-Oh yeah beer.  DDDDDDUUUUHHHHH-oh yeah you pretty!  DDDDUUUUUUUUUHHHHHH- must eat to survive! Have sex, spreading my seed upon the world.

Women: The sounds of a thousand angels repeating all the worries of the world in unison. Then taking a moment out to recognize this man has needs too. Motherly instincts take over…

Yep I could out do Marlin Perkins from Mututal of Ohmahas wild kingdom!

Just kidding no hate comments please!!!

Now that I have your attention.  I wish my father would have better prepared me to understand women.  It would have helped prevent awkward situations like when I pushed little Marlo down in 2nd grade because I thought she was swell. Pushing my buddies down was a common occurrence it happened all the time, they pushed me, I pushed them, that’s how we knew we were buddies!  Or when I argued my way out of a “girlfriend” in 7th grade because she thought she knew more about cars than I did. (if you were unsure about my automobile knowledge base just read a few of my past blogs in regards this topic) Hey dad,  how about teaching me about self-confidence, instead of belittling every female experience I ever had, then maybe I would have felt a little stronger when it came to being dumped! What about having a “girlfriend”. Yeah believe it or not men can be friends without having the urge to kiss said friend. ( my entire high school life) Although kissing really is fun with the right set of lips!

There are so many differences in the way men and women/boys and girls think. Yet we are sending our young lads out to do romantic/relationship battle without being prepared! Seems to me this equates to sending a military sniper to the roof top without a rifle!

Our young lads need to be taught that love is much more than kissing and sex! Women on occasion equate love to long walks, building a relationship, holding hands and talking. All of this of course eventually leading up to kissing and when the moment is right, sex! Yep its true! Not a woman out there that doesn’t wish for a good romp in the hay now and again! They have the same needs as men, she just goes about it a little differently than you do junior!

Men equate love to getting laid! Of course that is the furthest extreme.  Men also equate love to a first kiss.  If a girl/woman has taken the time to push her sweet-smelling, soft, perfect little lips up to your smelly, dirty, sweaty, gruff face then it must be love! Right? Right?????

Men/boys you are ready to profess your undying love the minute your slobbering kisser pulls away from hers! Fireworks shooting in the air, funny, uncontrollable stiffness in the nether region, cold sweat pouring from your skin.  Why yes Watson its obvious, it must be love! NOT!!!

Women/girls on the other hand are a little more controlled.  They pull away from your slobbering lips, they appear flustered and bewildered. They may even move in for one or two more kisses, just long enough to make said nether region wish for an ice pack. This is all part of their devious plan to keep you wanting more! Eyeballs staring, eyelashes batting, looking at you as if you were the center of the universe!  Then as quickly as the fireworks began, the show is over. Why? Because they are smart enough, even at an early age to recognize that stiffness you carry is just as uncomfortable for them as it is for you. Women/girls step away, leave you wanting more, head home/walk inside/ get out of the car and immediately call their best friend! Why? Because son, its evaluation time! No instant love here, she needs to understand what she is feeling! She and her friends all have a score card with your name on it and its evaluation time! She needs to know; and I mean know, you are worthy of a second kiss! A second date, or maybe even if your lucky, permission to be seen in public (by public I mean her friends) with her! Where us men/boys are like panting dogs in heat, the lasses are sizing up the competition, taking notes and preparing for the final.  Will you pass, will you end up her girlfriend, just a friend, or a booty call? Only she knows and all you can do is cool your jets and be patient, that is if being more than a friend is at the top of your list.

Dating

Heres where I learned many hard lessons.  The time-honored tradition of stepping out with acquaintances, complete strangers or that girl you have known for a long time as just a friend.  Dating was fun, I enjoyed meeting new people, having a good time, and many lifelong friends from large get together have come from within the dating scene. But there are some things every lad should know before walking out that door. Heed these words oh young ones or suffer the consequences! The choice is yours…

  1. Never sleep with her on the first date. I don’t care how bad you both want it, this option in the end (9 times out of 10) never turns out well.
  2. Never profess your love to soon. (explained above, just a reminder)
  3. Always offer to pick up the check. Yes society is supposedly based on equality, but this little portion falls under gentlemanly manners. If she wishes to split it, let it be her choice. You wouldn’t ask a business partner to lunch then stiff them for the bill would you?
  4. Always open the door for your date.  I still open the door for everyone and anyone headed my way. It’s not chauvinistic, it’s not chivalrous, it’s just plain good manners.
  5. Dont swear during conversation.  (Cant emphasize that one enough!) That goes for you gals as well. Nothing is a bigger turn off the than having dinner with Marge the trucker!
  6. It’s ok to be nervous. Be honest about it, don’t try to cover up your nervousness with stupid jokes or careless banter it only makes things worse.
  7. Talk openly and honestly, the conversation will travel all over the board once you are comfortable. What a great way to find out if you wish to see this person again.
  8. Dont pretend to be something you are not.  Women can see through the bullshit! they have x-ray eyes and Vulcan mind tricks! The polygraph was invented after an intensive study of the female brain! True story, true story…..
  9. Little known fact (ok in my opinion), men are attracted by sight first; smells second, personality third.  Women are attracted by smells first, personality second and looks third.  So smell good, and I don’t mean your fathers old spice after shave or that god awful Axe! Besides with Axe according to the commercials you will be fighting off throngs of swimsuit models all night and well that just leads to an uncomfortable situation with a lot of explaining to do!  Simple smells, be showered, clean and a subtle breath mint wouldn’t hurt.
  10. Women/girls are not attracted to you because of the car you drive.  I know this goes against everything our friends have led us to believe! If she is attracted to you because of your car, odds are she is a shallow, self-centered money grubber.  But then if your world revolves around the most expensive object you can obtain then you’re probably the very same type person; perfect for each other! Someday, some lawyer will make a fortune separating all of your material items. Most women/girls have a simple car ratings list, or so I have heard over the years.  Here is my take on the whole car issue after listening to many conversations over time.  Overly lifted four-wheel drive truck-small penis, no brains.  $200,000 dollar sports car; small penis-daddy issues.  Economy car- brainy, mommy issues, geek. Fast and Furious car- immature, horrific, poor due every penny being spent on a funny little colored car with a wing on the back= small penis.  All other vehicles ding, ding, ding we have a winner! A woman/girl only really cares that your car is clean, it’s not a junker, and its reliable.  They all show a level of being responsible without being a dud.

to be continued……….

Betty’s Words of Wisdom

Compassion! Take a moment to recognize you are not the only person having a hard day. There is always someone having a worse day than you. Have compassion. Carry on that is all…