Tag: parenthood

2012 a fresh new start, I think……

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It’s here, it’s here! Yep that’s right 2012 is here! Shout it from the rooftops for all to hear! 2012 is finally here!!

What you already knew that?? I am shocked? I am not the first one to tell you that its 2012?  How embarrassing….  How can this be?  I am confused????? Oh that’s right, the endless party invites you received probably gave it away.  Or the 48 hours of your local news counting down until the very last moment when they switched the broadcast over to Carson Daily and his motley crew of semi famous party goer’s.  Oh wait; maybe it was the endless stream of News Years Eve footage from other countries, being thrown about like a frisbee on the internet for all to see!  Or if you lived completely under a rock maybeeeeee it was the explosions and war zone gun fire that woke you up at 12:01am that did the trick.

Oh well either way I am still excited! 2012 is finally here!  I now have twelve months to help my worry wart 11-year-old understand that just because the Mayan calender ended doesn’t mean the world is going to end on December 21st of this year.  That Mayans in fact believed the end of this recorded cycle meant the planet would go through a “positive physical or spiritual change” .  Now I don’t know about you but I am pretty sure the human race could use both of those things about now! 

2012 also means facing a few facts that I have been avoiding. Or at the very least acting like they would never bother me. 

Our 15-year-old is going to start driving this year.  It wasnt a big deal before but here we are literally days away from him being able to take the permit test.  As the very famous philosopher Charlie Brown once stated after having the football pulled away from him; AAAAARRRRGGGGGGG! I thought I was ready for this time-honored passage into teenage/adulthood but I am not!  I already worry about every part of my kids lives everyday, I drink Mylanta the way most people would consume a chocolate shake! Slowly to avoid brain feeze and with a straw! I do breathing exercises like a fat kid staring at the biggest jelly doughnut he’s ever seen when it comes to making decisions about whether or not my kids should stay the night at someone’s house!  Yet here we are in 2012 and I now feel as though this is the year I finally get my long-awaited ulcer!  Dont get me wrong, out of all my kids he is the one I trust the most to take the driving test challenge and succeed……  Holy crap did I just write that, I am doomed!!!!  I will need a stomach transplant when it comes to the other three!  Maybe I’ll get lucky and they will pass a law that says they can’t drive till they are 18? 

My soon to be 12-year-old is going to start JR. HIGH!  Now that doesn’t sound like a big deal to most people, but for me it a huge deal!  Heres my problem, it’s not the increased class schedule, it’s not that he will be joining kids from the other three elementary schools in the area.  It’s not that he will be introduced to a larger scale of peer pressure and influence. Its none of these things that I am concerned with (ok maybe the influence thing a little).  What I am concerned with the most?  He is cute!  Now I don’t mean your average everyday cute! Nope! I don’t mean your my kid and of course no matter how homely you really are I still think your cute because I have too, cute!  This kid is downright cute, good-looking, handsome! He has big eyes, big dimples and a gigantic heartwarming smile! You know the type of smile I am talking about, the type of smile that warms a heart two sizes too small?  Yeah that’s our boy!  He has a following too!  Where ever we go, the girls are sure to follow.  He has just as many “girlfriends”as he does male counterparts.  I am dreading hormones and testosterone, giggling girls and irate fathers.  Late night phone calls and cell phone monitoring.  The good news is he’s been raised right!  He is a gentleman, he says please and thank you and he has respect for himself and others.  So maybe I am overreacting and I’ll only need to start on a low dose of Zoloft by the end of the year. 

As for the rest of them, no worries at all.  I think??? 

I don’t believe in making useless New Years promises that no one can possibly keep!  But I will promise to continue with my way of being a father.  In 2012 I promise to continue to love my kids, be there when they need me and even when they don’t.  I promise to butt into their lives on a daily basis, correct them when they are wrong and praise them when they are right!  I promise that ice cream and frozen yogurt are something that no matter how broke we are, we will always be able to afford.  I promise to always take their phone calls when I am at work and listen to their problems with an open mind.  I promise to continue to teach them; a sense of humor will get you farther in life than determination alone.  I promise to take a moment out of my day every now and again to hug and dance with my daughter.  But most important of all, after spending endless hours with my children, I promise to take the time to constantly show love and affection towards my wife.  Who our children become as adults is a direct reflection on how we behave as a married couple.  Dont you think??

Happy New Year….

2011 bye bye

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4 hours and 6 minutes until 2012.  That’s all I have left to reflect upon 2011 before the proverbial changing of the guard.  While most everyone else is posting in their blogs about all they have been through over the last year.  I am going to try a different route.  I ‘m going to reflect on my children’s lives over the past year.  Remembering what they experienced, and who they have become over the last 12 months. 

Parker

My little man is 6 in 48 hours he will be 7.  This was a year of learning for my youngest.  He learned to read.  Now to some that might not be a lot, I always hear the stories of “oh my little genius was reading by 2”.  But for Parker this was indeed a milestone.  He is very impatient and to finally overcome his “tummy pains” or “jitters” to sit and read without losing his mind was a gigantic obstacle to overcome.  He also taught himself how to spin plates on a stick.  He was so good at it that he decided on his own to be in the schools talent show.  Another huge milestone for our small performer.  You see Parker also doesn’t like to be laughed at when doing something serious.  So for him to stand upon a stage in front of the entire elementary school and perform without crying each time a plate fell.  (yes he smiled the biggest smile when he finished and everyone applauded) Well it makes me misty just thinking about it.  Parker also learned to ride a horse this year.  No fear, just got on the pony and started riding.  After a week or two declared he was ready for competition and proceeded to ride in an annual series, where he did quite well.  His lisp went away this year as well.  He has started to take notice that people aren’t saying “what” every time he asks a question or tries to tell a story.  He is sweet and kind with a slight hint of the devil every now and again.  I will miss him being little, huggable and snuggly.

Jessica

My little girl is 7 and smart as a whip.  This year she truly dedicated herself to her schoolwork.  She went from being very slow to focus on the tasks at hand to someone I trust to handle any task given her at anytime.  She is stubborn and resourceful, caring and brutish, but this year she learned so much about who she is as a person.  She has developed in a small flower that is just waiting for the perfect time to blossom.  She overcame many of her dreaded fears as well this year.  The fear of the dark; whipped! Although she still wants a night lite every now and again, she can sleep with the door closed and the lights off.  The fear of horses:  She would go down to the barn with us and just sit and watch.  If you tried to get her on a horse, stand back!  The screaming would start!  But thanks to the help of some wonderful friends, she not only rides, but she lopes a great little horse named JR. around the arena with the biggest of smiles on her face.  She is driven and competitive, if you are her friend she would slay the biggest serpant for you.  If you are her enemy look out!  We cant wait to see what she wants to accomplish next year!

Jake

Ahhhh my 11-year-old who is going on 17!  He is bossy, he is a know it all, he is the absolute best at everything he does (just ask him).  He is also the kindest, gentlest human being I have had the pleasure to know.  He has a smile that would melt even the coldest of hearts! If there is an animal in trouble with in a 10 mile radius, he knows.  He cries at even the smallest of creatures being hurt or in trouble.  When our little dog went missing this year, he called me at work and he was blubbering so hard I couldn’t make out what he was saying.  His year has been tumultuous to say the least.  He has been in the wrong place at the wrong time at school more times than I can count (parent e-mails from the principal).  He even went to the office for fighting, in which he was released because he had done the right thing by trying to get away from the kid until he had nowhere to hide.  He lost his best friend (to the Air Force) , who moved away which was quite a blow.  The year before he lost another friend (Air Force once again)to the dreaded “move”.  He learned to ride a horse this past year. He went out and purchased his own horse with money he had saved over the years from birthdays and Christmas.  Along with odd jobs he had worked and his 4-H project.  He rides in competitions and wishes to one day ride cutting horses.  He was in a school play and went from learning piano, to being handed a clarinet which he plays quite well!  He has grown what seems like a foot this year and is no longer small. (he’s built like a linebacker)!  I am proud of who he is becoming as a young man and after seeing the changes in him this year, wish he could slow down just a little bit.   

Cody

The oldest of the brood at a staggering 15 1/2.  This year was unbelievable for our young adult.  He was in marching band and went to several competitions around the state.  He also ran for the cross-country team and was one of 8 boys that made to State!  He lettered, received his ALL-League and his State Championship patches.  All while carrying a full 7 period workload.  This year he went hunting and killed his first pheasant!  He also go his first turkey.  He is in taxidermy at school and is really enjoying the class.  He says it is a lost art, I think he may be right.  Cody also took a big step this year by actually getting back onto a horse.  He was thrown from a horse 4 years ago and even though he got right back on and rode a while longer.  Afterwards he washed his hands of all horses.  Over the last year his voice finished changing, now when I call home I want to know who the strange man is answering the phone!  He also lost a friend (Air Force) but not just any friend.  They had been friends since 5th grade.  Eventually becoming boyfriend/girlfriend by 7th grade.  They stayed friends and became an item again last year.  It was a tough blow for him, he is dealing with it well I am sure in most part to technology.  He has his I-phone with him all the time.  Cody has read more books this year than anyone I know, he will definitely grow up to be the most well read person in our family.  Cody found his funny side this year, his wit is dry and quick! So much so that sometimes you are walking away from him before you realize that he just got ya!  He is growing tall and strong and handsome.  I am very proud to call him my son and I look forward to the day that I shake his hand and give him a hug man to man.. 

So there it is, I just spent a little time remembering some things that happened to my children over this last year.  No poo pooing about opportunity lost, or how much money we don’t have (we have horses, so you know we are poor).  No credit debt, no political rants, no occupy bullshit!  Nope just a moment in time to reflect upon what matters most to me.  My kids, who they are, and who they are becoming.  It’s a privilege to be a parent and I think at times we take that privilege for granted. 

So welcome 2012!  Welcome to our lives with open arms!  May you bless us with countless stories that we may recollect!  May you bring us challenges that we may meet! But most of all, may you bring my kids one step closer to moving out!!  (you didn’t think I was going to do this whole thing without one obnoxious quip did you?)

How my childhood has changed

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As a 45-year-old parent of four, looking back upon my early childhood, I have noticed that some things have changed and some things have stayed the same since I was an infant.

We start our lives out as wobbly little infants that need everything from our parents.  In the beginning its good, some may event say great!  We are fed three meals a day, given all the love and adoration we can handle.  We are pooping, peeing, burping, vomiting, naked little gods!  All of these things are considered cute when we are infants, but try it as an adult and you will be thrown in jail faster than To Catch A Predator’s Chris Hansen can say “hi there, no, no have seat, lets talk a minute”.  As infants we are truly the center of our parents worlds! 

If  born a boy, dad was the hero and admired by all his friends.  The infant boy held high over dads head as if he was Rifiki from the Lion King.  There for the world to see!  A son has been born to this pride, show your admiration as there will be no other like him!  Pats on the back, cigars strewn about, friends who don’t even smoke or like cigars are seen toking away as a gesture of approval towards his fathers amazing virility! His football jersey has already been picked out, a bat and glove lay near the foot of the crib, a racecar stroller is parked waiting in the corner for the pit crew to tune it up after each time mom brings him back from the supermarket 500.  He will grow up to be the handsomest of men, Cary Grant, Tom Selleck, Brad Pitt will pale in his shadow!  Women will fall to their feet by his presence (some men too)! Mom is always there at the littlest cry or snivel to feed him! (hmmmmm sounds like the ground work is being laid for some serious gender expectation retraining as you get older) And eat he will..  and eat… and eeeaaaattttt…..

If  born a girl, mom is aglow, all her friends sigh the heavy relief that it wasnt one of those dreaded devil maker boys!  While dad is happy she is healthy, he knows that in time he will be wrapped around her little finger and before long he will be wearing girly hats and having tea parties.  Mom on the other hand can’t wait, to show her off to all of the family!  Adorned in the cutest little pink outfits, with pretty little bows and “hair pretty’s”, life couldn’t get much better! Unless mom was 8 and had just received a brand new Cabbage Patch Doll!  (I know it’s another stereotype take a deep breath and relax) Mom also has her daughters life laid out, she will go to college, Mills, Simmons, Wellesley, she will be the class valedictorian, and she wont need any boy to succeed in life. She will be stunning and all boys will want her (some girls too) but she wont wander from her chosen path.  To cure-all of the worlds diseases and win the Nobel Peace Prize.  Yeah no high expectations here!

Now all of this sounds very stereotypical and it is, but you have to remember that no matter how we were raised or what you  may believe today, all bets are off when the first child is born!  Generational habits die-hard and really, as new parents, your brain cells have deteriorated immensely.  The deterioration of your parents minds only continues as you and your siblings get older.  Also all of this is only if you are the first-born of either sex, if you are lucky enough to be the runner-up things go significantly down hill from here!  You are just another exemplary silhouette of your parents genes.  Sorry if you are the third or fourth child, but unfortunately its true.  The effort put into the first two significantly wains as others are thrown into the mix.  Now don’t get me wrong, it doesn’t mean you were loved any more or less than the others, noooooo quite the contrary, the others or “firsties” have it harder than you ever will.. 

You see they have an image to live up too.  They have all of their parents goals and dreams to shatter or make come true.  If you fail its easy for the parents to just say “oh after the second one we were just tired of trying” or if you are successful you will hear “ha  ha I don’t know how the hell that one succeeded”!  The first and second child are relied upon to do all the baby sitting, to help with the child rearing, to set the “example”  of appropriate behavior.  Because as more children come into the family, more responsibilities are delegated, which keeps the parents from losing their minds completely. It also frees up more time to start drinking after the littlest ones are in bed!  None of this will make any sense to the “firsties” either, until after they too have children, then the process repeats itself. 

So where does that leave me in this posting?  Well its like this, I have noticed while looking into my own family model that indeed some things are still the same while some things have definitely changed!  I love all my children equally (same), I don’t look upon the “firsties” as any better than the last two (different), I have high expectations for all of them equally (different), The older ones do help the younger ones, with homework, cleaning their rooms, and developing their manners (same), But I look at that as a privilege to completing my expectations of good mannerisms.  And we all know if you do well at something its natural to want to pass that knowledge onto others.  I don’t expect my children to attend Wellesley or be race car drivers, baseball stars, rodeo cowboys, Nobel Peace prize winners, astronauts, or even President of the United States. (different) If that happens I will be as proud of them, as they are of themselves.  I do expect them to be viable, happy,  well-rounded contributing members of society who love what ever it is they choose to do and live their lives to the fullest. 

Maybe one day my children will look back at childhood and ask themselves; what has changed?  What has stayed the same? Why are parents so goofy? And when they are done they will smile as big as I am smiling right now.

Another Christmas Eve

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As I am in the process of tying up any loose ends this Christmas eve, I find myself thinking about Christmas eve last year, and the year before, and the year before that, to the point that I have now whipped out the photo album and I am looking at photo memories from Christmas past. I notice the obvious right away with the expected “holy crap” the kids have grown, and the obligatory “I cant possibly have looked that young”, but what has really amazed me while gazing upon these frozen moments in time is the fact that they are coming to an end. Now I don’t mean Christmas is coming to an end, or my life is coming to an end I mean quite simply, the days of Santa are fleeting, the days of all my kids still living at home are winding down. My job as a parent is coming closer to full circle with my oldest. Then in the blink of an eye it will be the next child and so on and so on..
Parenting has its privileges!
One of the biggest privileges known to every mom and dad is the role of Santa Claus! The first year is really scary as you hope and pray they don’t catch you in the act. The next year is a little less stressful as you slowly develop your own style and develop certain techniques. Every year after that just gets better and better until you feel as though with the wink of an eye and the twitch of a nose you could rain presents upon the tree and be gone in a flash with nothing more than a cookie crumb left swirling on the floor.
But life is always changing. Before you know it, one heads off to college, then two, then four, and the house is empty. There is no one left to play Santa for(yes even though the older ones know the truth they still love to play along). What the heck! You are at the top of your game, in the big leagues, and now the coach cant even call you up. Its back to riding the pine for you big boy! Skills or not this has all accumulated to you not being needed anymore. The house is empty, no more giggling, no more running off to bed because Santa Tracker says Santa is in Chicago! No sneaking, prying little eyes laying in the shadows of the hallway. Its all over. Done! You find yourself all alone watching “A Christmas Story” sulking. Suddenly all the struggling and frustration that often accompanied the holidays doesn’t seem like it was that big of a deal after all.. All the times the kids got on your last nerve, pestering and bugging you, fighting over really stupid stuff, makes you realize you would give anything to have that time back. Yeah that moment in time. Just once more…
Like I said parenting is a true privilege! Christmas Eve is a fantastic moment in the life of any parent. One that we hold in our minds and relive over and over again. Its pure, its true love for your kids, its joy, its one of the few times you get to be a super hero, and when your kids faces light up on Christmas morning at the sight that beholds them you wink your eye, and twitch you nose, then lock away another memory. You are only Santa for a little while and I thank god for every chance I get to be him, for someday my kids will experience the same emotions, the same feelings, they will accept this fantastic gift that has been given them and hopefully they will sit back and remember all the fun they had and smile at the thought of their father playing Santa on just another Christmas Eve….

I didn’t do it!

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I didn’t do it! The famous last words of the guilty child. When you have multiple children and something has gone wrong the phrase “I didn’t do it” rings down from the heavens!
I found a hole conviently dug into the back seat in my truck. A hole the size of a quarter and growing bigger on the canvas of leather it now encompassed. Now since I have 4 kids and only 3 of them sit in the back, the eldest was immediately found innocent and released from custody. The other three of course continued to proclaim their innocence through many different mediums. The youngest took to screaming and crying stating he would swear on the life of his dog (he doesn’t have a dog) that he didn’t do it. The middle child, my daughter, just kept repeating over and over; not me dad not me! All while slyly pointing at the back of my youngest’s head. The 3rd boy of course was preaching much of the same all while flailing his arms around to get the point across and slyly pointing to my daughter.
I didn’t do it! A resounding argument, no facts needed, no clues given, just taken at its face value alone should help me in releasing my prisoners.
Just as the whining and sniveling started to reach its crescendo I noticed a sharp object in the hand of my daughter and as I pulled the sharp object from her hand the other two in unison both turn and shout “she did it” ahhh childhood justice! Freedom for the unjustly accused! For before I could lean down and ask her if she actually used the pen to make the hole she under quivering lip says; I’m sorry dad….and with tears running down her face she mumbles; I don’t know why I did it, but I can see your pretty mad and I’m sorry. As the other two chant like tribesmen looking for a beheading I take a deep breath, lean down and say ever so quietly. Thank you for telling me the truth. Don’t let it happen again and I love you….
Problem solved, and as my wife strolls in and ask what all the crying and sniveling is about I calmly look her dead in the eye and mutter “I didn’t do it”