Tag: angry at the world

Youth of Today

theycallmebetty4 Comments

Today I was posed an interesting question. Are the youth of today the same as the youth of my generation?

My inner grumpy old man was the first to wiegh in on the subject with a resounding “Hell no”! I then broke into a 5 minute tiraid about the disrespectful, lazy, self entitled, occupying, video gaming, dope smoking, waste of space for a brain youth that are inhabiting our planet at this very moment. I followed that up with the grumblings of hypocricy as I recounted how ( get ready here comes the 5 miles up hill in the snow speach) our generation had manners, we said please and thank you. We were respectful to our elders, including teachers and the police. We opened doors for women and never treated them with anything but the utmost respect! We definetly knew the difference between right and wrong and hold those same values today!

As the class went on there were multiple theories thrown back and forth but none of any substance. During discussion I found myself having flashbacks to my teen years up into my early twenties. The new generation in class were busy exaulting themselves as texting, computer program writing, tweeting, skypeing, blogging, I-Phone app devoloping brainiacs of the future. Suddently I started to realize I may have been wrong in my “Mr.Furley” snap to judgement. Hmmmmmm…..

Now lets clarify something, I will not tell you my exact age, but I will drop you a hint, as I sit and listen to the Flock of Seaguls recounting the first day M-TV aired. My graduating year from high school was the same year Andy Kaufman, and Marvin Gaye perished. It was the same year Desmond Tutu won the Nobel Peace Prize and Ronald Reagan won a landslide re-election. Run-DMC are the first rap group to achieve gold record status and APPLE releases the Macintosh personal computer.

We were a youth filled with multiple sterotypes and avenues to follow with our unbridled enthusiasm. Early in the decade country western was being replaced with the wild side of disco. Drugs, mainly cocaine and pot were our choice, Miami Vice was a hit, long hair (everywhere), bell bottom pants and platform shoes were all the rage. Punk Rock also had a strong foothold. The british youth were a huge hit and their fight against the mainstream way of life was easy to recognize and associate. Our generation felt “you gotta fight for your right to party”! (Thank you Beastie Boys) And party we did! Every chance we could get and no adult was going to tell us how to act or what to do! We were in the process of discovering sex without peramiters, mutiple partners and Aids. In school little things like “black beuties and mushrooms” were being passed around like Pez and experimented with amoungst friends. It was not uncommon to cut school after lunch and not return. All you needed was a friend on the inside who would write your name on the attendance slips then hand them into the office. We drove cars that expressed who we were and what we were about, or so we thought. On any given day you could drive into our parking lot and 1/4 of it looked like a car show. 50-60-70’s era muscle cars and trucks parked side by side gleaming in the sunlight.

I look back at those years, and I realize the youth of today really arent much different from the youth of my generation. (Easy, EAAASSSSYYYY, hear me out) They have a very strong sense of what they feel is right and wrong. The “Occupy” youth remind me very much of my friends that embaced “Punk”. Punk was brought forth as a rebellion in Britain against the political climate, loss of jobs, and economic uncertaintity. It was their way to rebell against the system. Hmmmm sound familiar?

Where we had gas guzzling hot rods to show off, todays youth have flashy Iphones and computer systems that are personalized through blogs and web pages to help express themselves. We were running with the shadows of the night (Thanks Pat Benetar) We were loud and obnoxious, we wanted to be heard, we dressed in our own style, we had a message and a story to tell and so do these kids. We were fighting for an identity, a place in society, we wanted to make a difference in the world without restriction from our government. So does this generation. We had it all, everything our parents didnt and more. We were called self entitled, brash, careless and dangerous. Our parents worried about our futures with the invention of home computers and other technology that was streamlining the American workforce. We were against war and wanted to “just give peace a chance”. We created Hands Across America and cheered as President Ronald Reagan told Mr. Gorbachev to “tear down that wall”! This generations parents have also given our youth everything they didnt have, which if you think about it is just an extension of the “entitlement” issue we all see today. It has just been compounded over multiple generations. These kids are also fighting for some of the very same world views! The story might be a little different but the battle is still the same.

So as I sit here rocking out to one of my youth punk/rock hero’s Billy Idol, I cant help but change my point of veiw. So what has changed? What has people from my generation constantly yelling at our youth as we see them protesting in the streets, placing tents in the park, riding skateboards on the sidewalk, (like we didnt do that) swearing and behaving with disrespect. What has brought us to the point we are behaving like our mentors and leaders of the past?

Simple: We grew up! We embraced the machine that feeds us and provides for our children and families. We have responsibilites and a future to protect. We see things as our parents did, not with blinders on but quite the contrary. We can see far into the future, seperating what will and wont work. We have done this through trial and error, through learning from painful mistakes. Bettering ourselves and our position in society through calculated moves that cant possibly be understood from someone who has not walked in those shoes. As you become older your views change along with some of your ideals.

So are todays youth the same as the youth from our generation?

Todays youth are exactly the same as we were with one exeption. Todays youth are smarter. That doesnt make them any better or any worse than we were, they are just smarter. They have more tools in their tool boxes than we ever had at the time. They feel as though what they are doing is right, regardless of whether or not we approve! We felt the same way! Hopefully they learn from their experiences, so as they grow older they will have created a better life for the next generation they bring into the world. As I look at my children and ponder their futures its the very best I can hope for….

Till death do us part?

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I listened today as my wife took a disturbing phone call from an old college friend.  Apparently his wife of many years has taken it upon herself to procure a boyfriend.  Now being one of traditional marriage this obviously did not sit well with her husband.  Sweet hearts in college, married with two adorable kids, and suddenly its all gone.  Life wasnt good enough, the marriage wasnt all she had dreamed, the road has been rocky but he tried everything he could to keep them together.  But apparently “keeping them together” was never in the fore front for her. Hence a new boyfriend….

Till death do us part.

My parents met when they were 15.  Married after my father returned from a stint in the Army thanks to the draft.  They settled down and started a life together as husband and wife.  I am sure they had a million dreams and plans they wished to fulfil.  They undoubtedly laid in bed at night knowing in their hearts this feeling of love would never end!  Never dreaming that one day their relationship would struggle, stumble or even land flat on its face.  I bet they felt as though the world was their oyster, and as a team there was nothing that could possibly stop them.

Mom and Dad took their vows very seriously, they were married in a house of God, before God and that meant something to them, both mentally and spiritually.  I can remember being very small and having my mother move around excitedly as dad came home.  Over the years that faded away as the stresses of two children started to wear her down.  Finances were a struggle too.  They were raising kids during a time our country was locked in an over 9% unemployment rate.  The price of oil was skyrocketing and there was fuel rationing at every service station.  My dad was moving from one job to another and income wasnt steady.  I bet they never dreamed of having arguments over money and children when they were first married. But they did.  Times grew harder as I remember arguments over horses (we had a horse ranch) and hay, dogs, and 4-H projects.  Some nights my mother would cry and my father would brood.  Yet they always managed to say I love you, and they never seemed to carry a grudge.  Sure they poke fun at each other now and again. They treat each other like old friends instead of happy newlyweds, but that’s completely understandable after 55 years of marriage. Yeah 55 years of marriage, that’s pretty amazing.

So I am left wondering what the big difference is?  Why are marriages tossed about like frisbees in the park?  How can someone preach the sermon of love to another then treat them with such disdain?  Well here are my thoughts:

The concept of marriage is tied to the church.  I can’t tell you how many people I know who hadn’t set foot in a church before their wedding!  Sure they went through the church counseling beforehand, but in my opinion there might be a little more to vows than just the symbolism of standing inside a church.

Society has embraced disposable lives.  We are a society of hoarders and wasters, if you have it I want it, if i get it and don’t like it I will throw it away.  Such is marriage, I got you, I have kept you, now I find a new better you and you are tossed to the curb.  My lawyer will be in touch!

Lawyers have continued to profit, making it incredibly easy to get out of something you never really took seriously to begin with. Just look at hollywood, these actors and personalities are getting married and divorced, sometimes within the same month.  2 million dollar wedding, 30 days later, wedding is over and the pre-nup is on the table with lawyers arguing over compensation.   What message does that send our youth?

You need to WANT to bring children into the world!  Not because you are lacking something in your life!  Not because you feel a child will save the relationship. Not because you are lonely and need a buddy! But because you’re ready to give up everything in your life to stop and raise another human being from infancy to adulthood.  Once you have kids you can’t give them back and they depend on you for everything.  Its awesome, but it does mean cutting back and in some cases just plain giving up some of your freedoms!  It also means being there for your wife when she becomes a first time mom!  It means being there for your husband when he is fumbling as a first time dad!  It means making sure you have patience, understanding and the ability to go endless nights without sleep.  All while still having the ability to romance and cuddle your wife, your husband, your best friend!  Letting them know they are the most important thing in the world and even though we have children now, that spouse still comes first!  Everything else falls into line after that!

Work at it!  The secret to my parents relationship, they worked at it, and continue to work at it everyday!  The learned how to grow and evolve!  They continued to talk, never leaving anything on the table to rear its ugly head later.  Say your sorry, sometimes even when you don’t mean it!  On occasion it has taken me days to realize I was wrong.  Would you rather have your spouse pissed at you for days or minutes.  Recognize when something is wrong, then shut up and listen!  Every problem doesn’t need an answer.  Sometimes its just nice to vent the issue then figure out the answer on your own.  Stay friends and always place each other first!  Even when you have children, you need to place each other first otherwise you will not be a team while raising your children.  This leads to resentment and anger when times are stressful.  Never, ever go to bed angry!  Hash it all out or to the best of your ability before you go to sleep!  Like I tell my kids when they have screwed up, tomorrow is a new day, you have a clean slate, make the most of it!

Lastly we have no respect for ourselves anymore.  If you don’t respect yourself don’t look for a relationship until you do!  No one is going to “fix” you, no one is going to make you feel better! Until you learn to care and love yourself, you have no business bringing another emotional human being into your life.  Seriously, how many times have we heard: I know he cheats on me but he loves me!  or I don’t care that he is married,  when he leaves her were getting married because he doesn’t love her anymore, he loves me!  She says it’s not me its her! She still loves me so its ok..  Have some self-respect..

Yes there are definitely circumstances where divorce is the only option.  Yes people change over time, but if you have kids, just try.  I havent met one kid from a divorced family that ever thought their up bringing was fantastic.  Dont cheat on your spouse, get divorced and move on before you cross that line.  It’s painful for all involved and if you have kids it’s just downright confusing.

I don’t have all the answers, I don’t think we are any better than anyone else or immune from any of the challenges that face married couples daily. I just know what I see.  Friends who we knew loved each other at one time, now can’t be in the same room together! It’s very perplexing. It’s a very sad emotional time for all involved.  My wife and I love each other very much and we respect each other enough to recognize when our relationship needs a little tune up.  We love our kids and our family and friends.  I plan on honoring my vows, I made them, I meant them and I have promised myself to her till death do us part.  I plan on keeping that promise.

Dad, doing what he does best!

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Here we go the ire is up! The steam is rising from my forehead! Teeth are clenched tightly and I am stammering for the right words!  I am ready, willing and able to ridicule another company one more time!!

I will always proceed any rants with the following; As you know from following my blog, I am a very involved father who believes all relationships should share equally the trials and tribulations of running a household and raising children! I have also made it my personal mission to “call out” any company or companies that exemplify the stereotype of dad being a moron, lazy, absent, disrespectful, or ignorant.  I also don’t believe that mom should be stereotyped as the frantic, know it all, does it all, at home personal maid to the family. 

With that being said; I saw a commercial today that at first I will admit peaked my interest a little.  It started out strong, and as it went on I found myself thinking “why yes nice lady tell me more”! But then they did it! Yes sir they did it! They crossed the line!  The blatantly took the low road pandering their inferior product to the masses.  They took it upon themselves to assume we as a society really function at a fifth grade level. Both with humor and intellectually.  Oh and just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse, it did.  They attacked all fathers around the world. Wondering who this company could possibly be?  Pondering what they might actually sell? 

FOREVER LAZY!!!  Have you heard of these Snuggie rip offs?  Oh yeah that’s right I said it, SNUGGIE RIP OFF!!  I laughed my butt off at the Snuggie, even got into a squabble over a white elephant gift one year that involved a Snuggie! Snuggie has a certain humorous respectability in the consumer world!  Apparently Forever Lazy wants a piece of the market! Now as I admitted earlier, I was pondering one of these absurd little gems as a great gag gift for the firehouse!  But after seeing the commercial and reflecting on their wonderful marketing strategy. I think not! Tearing down the human fabric that is our society,  I say not only no, butt heck no!  There will be no Forever Lazy in my household or fire station!  I have banned them completely from existence! 

Never have I seen such blatant use of the word lazy in describing the great people of this nation!  Never have I seen men, women and children all portrayed as such horrendous lazy sloths!  I will never stand by idly as a company states and I quote; Everyone can watch the big game while dad does what he does best! (dad is on the couch asleep) Being lazy?????  Sleeping????? Drunk??? Is that really what dad does best?  Apparently the household runs itself, or has Forever Lazy provided maids, accountants, teachers, coaches and cooks with every purchase of a Forever Lazy @ $29.99 plus shipping?  Well I for one wont stand for it and neither should you!  Put on a comfy pair of sweat pants!  A nice long-sleeved shirt or sweater will do!  Heck buy a Snuggie! Watch the Forever Lazy ad, you can find it on YouTube!  They even have you wearing this thing to a football stadium!  Yuck! Its like walking around in a pair of footsie pajamas!  Oh yeah and its ok to be out in public with the darn thing on because it has dual trap doors so you can go to the bathroom! Can you imagine sitting on a toilet in a giant Sham-Wow! Can you say germ magnet!! 

Let your kids know how highly you think of them by purchasing them anything that doesn’t lead to laziness or is associated with laziness by name!  Just think your kid has straight A’s and then for Christmas you purchase the Forever Lazy as a lark.  Now little Johnny is confused.  What message is mommy and daddy sending me?  Am I working to hard?  Should I be lazy?  Should I be “Forever Lazy”? When I grow up am I going to end up doing what dad does best? Little Johnny slips into the Lazy suit and Bam! Brain cells start dying, next thing you know its X-box all the time, he never gets off the couch, grades all drop to a D and little Johnny is headed to reform school!  All because you bought into the Forever Lazy hype!

I know it’s not really that way, I am just worked up and rambling!  But really no company should ever portray people as moronic, idiotic and lazy, especially when it involves the family circle.  Humor is one thing, ignorance is another, but pandering ignorance is the very worst kind of sales tactic around.  So please remember this, you are a reflection of all the people who helped you to become who you are today.  If I see you with a Forever Lazy on well, game over my friend, game over….

I woke up alone

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I awoke this morning to an empty bed.  It was cold, I had unknowingly acquired all the pillows and I was unsure of my location.  After flopping around a bit searching for the edge of the bed with my feet, ( a scientific method of measurement) I came to the conclusion I was not at work, but definitely at home.  I rolled to my back clearing just enough sleep induced cobwebs to recognize that if I was home, where was my wife?  Thats right, there is an additional tenant signed to this queen bed lease.  It was not designed to be a rest haven for one, no no no, this warm slab of downy goodness was built specifically for two! 

I smelled coffee!

Why has she awoken so early on this rarest of rare days?  A day not filled with school, or the rush and hustle of work? No, this is a cherished weekend morning ritual, a space of time so few and far between with our hectic schedules that even the powers of Krypton could never tear it away.  A morning for us to stay in bed together, sans children!  A morning the kids get themselves up, feed themselves cereal and then watch an hour or two of useless television before going to church!  A morning where talking and snuggling are not interrupted by the baggage of a long day needing to be unpacked before bedtime!  My goodness how has this happened!  Have we gone so far in our marriage that these little things mean nothing, they hold no cherished place in our hearts?  Have we fallen into such a rut that all forms of individualism separating us from our children has perished?  This is blasphemy!  blasphemy I say!

Well too heck with her!  To heck with her I say!  Leave me alone in bed will she! You better believe I wont be friendly when she gives me a cup of that “oh so delicious” coffee she makes! It probably wont taste good anyways, and I will force myself not to like it! I’m not even going to smile! No sir!  I’m thinking it’s going to be a little hard to swallow such warm tasty goodness upon the heels of such marital disrespect!  Hard I tell you! 

I am distraught and as the sting of loneliness slowly clears my head.  I seem to recal a small child coming in at “oh midnight thirty” to say he had a bad dream.  The covers were pulled back, a heavy sigh was released and a small little boy with cuddly green blanket was fast asleep, squished between his mom and dad.  Was that it? Was that the reason she left the bed?  Or maybe I was snoring?  I do have a tendency to snore now and again. Although she has never complained about it, even going so far as to say “its kind of rhythmic”.  I am no fool.  I know she says such things as to not hurt my feelings over the fact she can’t sleep next to a buzzsaw at full throttle.  Maybe it was our giant dog that woke her up?  He does have a tendency to sound like bigfoot walking across the floor downstairs. When he wants to go outside he lets out a sound similar to that of a wookie!  Once your hear that noise at 3 in the morning, combined with clumping feet across the floor, it can get your heart rate up causing a serious adrenaline rush!  Sleep usually doesn’t follow after that little encounter for quite some time.   But even then, she would never give up our weekend morning together would she?  I am so confused and have chosen to quit theorizing about my selfish predicament.  Maybe it is what it is, and I should just face the fact, between the kids, my snoring and the giant beast of a dog, maybe, just maybe there is a perfectly good explanation for this series of events.

I go downstairs

She greets me with a smile, I am not swayed.  She is on the couch under some blankets (looks inviting) watching the morning show.  In my best cool and collected voice I mutter a soft; so what happened to you last night? She proceeds to explain that once our little one came to bed, night mare and all, she couldn’t sleep all squished up between us.  The wood stove had the house way to warm upstairs so she thought she would just leave him there so he would feel safe with his dad and head downstairs where it was cooler.  She motioned for me to come sit next to her.  I still wasnt completely swayed so I sat a little bit aways from her on the couch.  My son brought me a cup of hot fresh coffee.  I buckled a little more and moved in closer.  I let her know that I had in fact put our little guy back to bed only 10 minutes after she had disappeared from our room.  In fact it was all coming back to me now.  I had gotten up to go to the bathroom and when I returned she was gone.  I placed the little one back in his bed, thinking she was downstairs getting something to drink, I went right back to sleep.  She let out a grumble of discontent, followed with a: you mean I could have slept in our bed all night instead of freezing down here? Yep….

I am now feeling like a fool as I take in the dark roast that fills my coffee cup.  Apparently I am the one to blame all along, for I should have recognized what was happening and brought her back upstairs to me. Then I remember something even more important!  It isn’t our weekend morning to stay in bed together after all!  We had been jipped once again, for I had to be somewhere. Karma had dealt me an ugly hand for I was the one that had to be up and out the door this morning!  I had to be at work.  Yep all the commiserating, all that whining to myself, all the selfishness, all the second guessing and in reality I am the one to ruin what could have been a perfect morning between two people who love each other.  Hmmmm. 

Well at least the little one got a good nights sleep.  I hope when he is older he appreciates all we have sacrificed to ensure he feels safety, protection and love from his parents.  I guess in the long run that is worth a few sacrificed mornings.  Besides his mother and I will have plenty of mornings to spend together once we are old, ugly and have run out of things to say to each other right?  Right? 

Just kidding……

Friday the 13th

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friggatriskaidekaphobia;  Say it out loud.  frigga-trisk-aide-kaph-obia man even slowly it sounds cool!  Have you ever seen such a word? Its very reminiscent of supercalifragilisticespialidoscous!  Have any idea what it means?  Its the fear of Friday the thirteenth!  Seriously, the fear of Friday the thirteenth!  So strange, there is a real phobia of this dreaded day. But very cool at the same time…

So many people are unreasonably terrified over todays date. My kids are petrified because all their friends have told them bad things will happen to you on this day and there is nothing you can do about it! Not exactly a Hallmark holiday yes?  Adults are scared of the ramifications associated with participating or doing anything of value on such a cursed day. All over the world this day has been cursed for a myriad of reasons.  Yet to me it remains just another day.

I awoke this morning determined that no stupid day was going to slow me down, make me cower!  Not a single idiotic theory about world domination along with the extinction of the human race was going to damper this mans afternoon.  No way Jose!  I was sailing along just fine!  In fact just for good measure, this afternoon I purposely walked directly beneath a ladder! What What?  You read that right, I also stepped on a crack, which by the way did not result in a trip to the ER for my mommy’s broken back!  As a matter of fact while turning the corner of our garage this morning my path was crossed by that of one never before seen black cat!  Woooooo!  Soooo scared!  Bad luck forever for me!  I guess I also should never have thrown that mirror on the ground, then danced on its shards of unprotected glass.

Seriously, today was like any other day, I awoke at 5:30 to the sound of the station alarm toning us out for a medical aid.  No salt over my shoulder, no hail mary’s for this cat, heck no, I just strutted out to the rig and went about my business.  After returning from our little medical aid, I was reminded by a co-worker to “be careful” while pouring some coffee because it was Friday the 13th and who knows what could happen on such an unlucky day?  Unlucky day?  I make my own luck Jack! No stupid superstition is going to dictate my day! Heck No!  And with that said, shift change came and I marched right down to the local barber shop throwing caution to the wind! Never for a spit second did I fear for my life as he used his expert skills to provide me with a haircut Donald Trump would have been proud to adorn!  No bloody neck, no spot cut/gash into my golden locks of love, no sir, I was trimmed up and ready for a great day of Friday the thirteenth bashing!

Oh and bashing I did partake!  I rode horses today with abandon, hoping for some fatal action emerging from the belly of the four legged devil beasts! I clumsily walked around tall stacks of hay, stepping in front of a moving tractor and purposely standing next to a stud horse hoping to be kicked or bit!  Yet not one bad thing happened to me.  I even took to reminding everyone around me to “be careful”! Followed up with a high pitch, don’t you know what day it is? hee hee he!  Am I being to cocky? Have I screwed my karma into the ground?  Oh I don’t think so!

You see just as there is no real tooth fairy, Santa is a glorious traditional figment of our imagination, Justin Bieber is really the teenage anti-christ, and Dick Clark is really an Disney animatronic robot, there is no evil association with Friday the Thirteenth! None! It is just another day on the calendar. Just another day to make your own destiny, Just another day to praise the heavens or curse the dredges of society. Its all up to you.  So on the next Friday the thirteenth, make your own magic happen, don’t let  someone else’s fear from reality ruin your perfectly good Friday. Regardless of whether or not that Friday is the thirteenth.

Personal note: I did wait until the end of the day to write this little piece.  I am sure that falls under the “I knew the 49ers were going to win the Super Bowl: ten minutes after the end of the game aspect.  Or maybe I just like a sure thing.  I am safe now right? Please say yes……. Did you hear that? What was that noise? crap……..

 

 

 

My wife the single parent

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She rises at 5:30 to start her long day.  A shower, some coffee, a heavy sigh, a moment alone.  She does her hair and makeup before the sun rises.  A brush of the teeth, a layer of lipstick, a wry little jokeresque smile.  She looks at the little lines on her eyes, sighs, then puts her game face on, its time to go.  The doors are tossed open the covers pulled back, sleepy eyes open to thin light from the hallway afar.  The first two are moving, then its down the stairs, the last two still sleeping, time ticking, alarm sounding, no response.  A gentle rock of the hand, a slight whisper in ear.  The last two have awoken, they stretch rise and get dressed.  Breakfast is a hustle, like that of a subway coffee stand.  A bagel, a doughnut, some cereal, or toast.  Four other people, begging for help, wanting some food, needing their hair brushed, gathering some thoughts.

Lunches are made she is feeling the pressure, the clock is ticking departure is near.  One goes to high school and starts zero period.  Three go to elementary school their arrival is eminent.  The dogs are outside playing with glee, the goat and the horses munch quietly on their breakfast of oats and hay.  The two oldest return with reports on the animals well-being, subjects are changed, backpacks are filled, home work is gathered now head to the car with five minutes to spare.  One last cup of coffee before heading away, only to find no one has a jacket, two forgot their lunches and one wants to argue about whether or not his pants are too dirty to go to school that day. 

As she pulls out the driveway, one in the back screams he forgot his clarinet, the car turns around and in a jiffy she’s back where they started.  It’s at this point she can feel the pressure truly mount.  The high schoolers grade gets dinged if he’s late and we are ten miles from town.  Nine times out of ten they make it in time, but he is now grumpy for this is the tenth time.  She rushes across town to the elementary school and finds her parking spot.  You see this is where she works, her three children now turn into thirty.  Thirty kids who all need the same attention as that of her three.  A deep breath a moment in the car, a poised smile on the face, a whistle in hand and before she can catch her breath she is directing hundreds of other parents where to park and drop off their little angels.  As these parents drive some give her the nod.  The nod of “I understand what you’re going through right now” the gesture is returned with appreciation.  Some simply smile, some wave.  Some are truly glad to see her for she brightens their day and some are so self-absorbed they wish she would just get out-of-the-way. 

In a flash it is done not before she is frozen by the mornings bitter air.  But she turns on her heels and steps into the hallway that leads to her room where her partner reveals, the plans for the day and the lesson to be learned.  Its assist a child over here, adore a child there, its bathroom breaks and sorry mishaps.  Its challenges met and opportunities missed, its laughing and crying and some throwing fits.  It’s a fine ballet of tag team education where the goal always remains the same; send children home with more brain power than they came to school with that particular day. Teachers and parents, administrators and children, she feels attached to them all both mentally and emotionally.  By the end of the day she feels a strong sense of accomplishment and a foreboding sense of exhaustion.  For she understands the day is not done and as she winds down from thirty daughters and sons, she’s left facing the remaining three that need her the most. 

A half hour break then the pick-up begins, first the little ones then the high schooler and before she knows which way is up and which way is down she has a car full of the most important children she knows.  One would think the day was over, but not for our girl, she still has grocery shopping to do, animals to feed and horses that need riding.  Stalls need cleaning and friends who have looked forward to seeing her are happy she is there at the barn.  The smallest ones are tired, and grumpy is rearing its ugly head.  Squabbles and bickering are broken up, feelings are hurt and she does her best to referee.  A sit in the car, a timeout, a strong reprimand along with a please say your sorry thrown in for good measure.  A parent is apologized to for some inappropriate behavior, it’s always met with an “its ok I had kids once that age too” then the nod of understanding soon follows. 

By the time she returns home 12 hours have passed, it’s homework and dinner, showers and bedtime stories.  The kids once again take care of the dogs, put out the trash, quickly pick up their rooms and get ready for bed.  If she’s lucky everyone gets along and it all goes swimmingly.  If she’s not lucky its reminiscent of a gang fight at Pelican bay. 

By eight things have started to wind down, a few dishes are washed, a load of laundry is done, some clothes are folded.  The two little ones have laid down their heads. they are fast asleep as the worries of a hard day, education and playing have taken its toll on their little frames.  The two older ones have finally settled down, one is reading, the other is quietly watching a hunting show.  She slowly for the first time today starts to let her guard down.  A glass of wine and some brain-dead TV usually do the trick. 

As the warmth of the wine settles into her soul, one child goes up to bed and the oldest stays up just a smidge longer.  You see he knows what is going to happen next.  At fifteen he is starting to grasp the strains of a fully scheduled day.  He also holds quite a bit of responsibility as older brother to his younger siblings.  He switches channels and gazes across the room, checking so carefully not to disturb her for he knows it will happen quite soon.   Another glass is poured and before it can be savored. She simply slips off to sleep, so soundly, so quietly, the comfort of white noise, good wine and a soft comforter are more than her frayed senses can handle. 

He lets her sleep for a while then carefully wakes her.  He points her in the right direction, waiting for her to make it to the top of the stairs.  He turns out the lights, locks the doors and sends himself to bed.  She clears the top of the stairs, takes a warm shower where she washes away the emotional grime of the day.  Slowly she makes it into her empty bed, she mumbles, she grumbles and turns on the TV.  You see white noise makes it easier to fall asleep when you are all alone.  When you are a single parent.  When you need some form of comfort after a hard day.  And as she drifts off into the land of dreams and serenity she thinks about the day he will return to give her the break she so desperately seeks.  Ahhhhhh sleep.

5:30 am the alarm goes off……

This is truly a typical day for my wife.  I wrote this out of admiration for her, for all the wives of public servants, true single parents and military personnel who are gone for days, weeks, months and in the case of the military years at a time.  As a firefighter I am not home for a guaranteed 10 days a month.  Though most months its closer to 12-14 days.  That is half a month away from our families and our wives.  They are amazing people to be married to us, and yet at the same time be alone as single parents.  Its never easy for a couple, I respect you all and promise to give all I have as a father and friend when I am home. Out of respect for you.. 

I love you Jacy……….

 

Today I became my father!

theycallmebetty2 Comments

 

 

 

When I was a kid I could be a bit of a handful, I was strong-willed and absolutely hated being told what to do! I can vividly remember as a kid, my father slowly becoming frustrated with me over my attitude. After awhile he would eventually let slip from his mouth; I hope you have ten kids and they are all just like you!  To which I would reply; me too, because I think I am pretty cool!   My dad would mumble something under his breath, chuckle to himself and the issue would be dropped.

Then there were times that he and I butted heads so badly that inevitably I ended up in my room for the evening with a good solid smack on the butt and the threat of the belt if I so much as peeked out of my room.  This was soundly followed up with him bellowing; do it! Open that door and see what happens!  It was as if he was taunting me, calling me chicken in front of my friends, to which my inner Marty McFly would start twitching and shaking because I didn’t care who you were, NO ONE CALLS ME CHICKEN!  Of course sometime being a chickens not so bad.  But I never figured that out, I was always the one who pushed things to the very furthest limit I could.  In some ways I am still that way today.  If given the chance I can argue making you believe that your point was really my point and my point was really your point, and just for fun I might even argue both points to such a degree that you have no idea what ground you really stand on.

Anyways I would sit my room, smoke rising from my head angry at the world!  I really never why I would become so mad, or why I never let things go after being sent to my room.  But what I did know was I was never ever going to be like my father!  I went to sleep many nights thinking to myself; If I ever have kids I am never going to be like you dad!  No how, no way!  My kids are going to be free to express themselves and they will get to stay up all night long if they want! Yep! My kids can have ice cream when ever they feel like it and if they wish to have hot lunch at school everyday well that will be ok with me!  I would lay there on my bed listening to my AC/DC Back in Black album.  (Album:A collection of recordings on a long-playing record.  a record is a large disk made of vinyl played on a record player. a record player is; oh hell look it up if you can’t remember) Wondering what will my kids be like?  Will they be cool like me or will they be a pain in the butt like my dad?  I hope he is right, I really do hope my kids are just like me, I’ll show him a thing or two.  They are going to think I am the greatest dad that has ever lived!  M&M’s for everyone!!!

Putting the kids to bed tonight my youngest starts an argument over whether or not he can go upstairs to take a shower by himself.  After resolving that issue, my daughter wants to argue over whether or not she actually used conditioner in her hair this evening.  For some reason unbeknownst to he mother and I she seems to have an affliction to the stuff.  preferring to have her hair ripped out with each pull of a brush or comb after a shower.  Yet the argument continues.  Then to round out the evening or the trifecta as I prefer to call it, the middle one is pissed because its his bedtime and he can’t watch a movie with his older brother.  When asked to go off to bed the attitude starts, then rudeness to his mother which is followed with a complete round of ignoring anything asked of him.  I walk into the room to confront my demon spawn only to be greeted with complete disrespect.  As he rolls his eyes at me and states with an emphatic “what”, he is promptly taken aside, his disrespectful actions are calmly explained to him and he is told to go to his room. He complies…. There you see I am the better man.  Calm, cool no action needed, I got this, I am so much better at this than my dad ever was, oh yeah, superdad……

I turn around after several rounds of gratuitous back patting to find he has made his way past me and is leaning against the wall watching the TV!  My head hurts, I am dizzy, feeling a little anxious and nauseous all at the same time.  Four kids, four issues, the arguing, I just want them all in bed, with peace and quiet, is that too much to ask.  Some respect would be nice too!  I feel it like a demon welling up from beneath, growling and tearing at my insides.  I wonder if this is how David Banner feels moments before he emerges as the Incredible Hulk!  And before I can catch myself a bellowing; GET YOUR BUTT IN BED RIGHT NOW! Comes out like an explosion of horrific magnitude!  My son turns on his heels and runs for the stairs, I am behind him moving like a cop chasing a suspect.  I am mumbling something that no one can understand! The boy makes it up the stairs and as he hits the landing I let him know: that butt better be in bed because if you get out of bed that butt is mine! I chuckle. I hear his bedroom door shut and as I stroll past my wife I let out a curt; I hope he has ten kids and they are all just like him! 

It is at that very moment I hear myself for the first time.  I shiver at what has just happened, I am in shock, disbelief, denial.  I am astounded at how easy it has happened.  I was so sure this would, no, could never happen.  I swore I would never let it happen and yet here I am.  Oh man……  Today I became my father…..

I may need some counseling.