Category: My Life

DADMOM???

theycallmebetty3 Comments

So watching television today I came across a commercial that really “chapped” my hide.  It was a commercial for laundry detergent, now if you have read any of my postings or the bio portion of my blog, you know that; one I am fireman therefore I have the ability to be home to take part in the raising of my children along with my equal share of the housework and two; I have a particular sore spot for advertising being completly sexist and some may even say downright ignorant when it comes to selling household products.  (in gutteral caveman tone)Tools for men and dishwashing soap for women! Hey look theres mom fixing the banged up knee with no daddy in sight! Now throw in a couple commercials that show dad being berated as a moron by his wife with all the kids laughing in agreement while he passivly smiles and you can see how disheartening it can become.

Where was I?  Oh yes the commercial today.  It was as I stated a laundry commercial, where our actor is happily doing laundry and with a smile on his face proclaims himself as a “DADMOM” !  A dadmom are you freaking kidding me!!  Hey buddy not only is there no such thing!  You just disrespected every mother in America by proclaiming yourself as a mom!  By being a DADMOM are you trying to throw some masculenity in to the job?  No wait I know you are superior because you are a man therfore by declaring yourself as a DAMOM you strip away any importance the title MOM gives your wife!  Heres an idea why not just state the simple fact, you are a DAD!  Oh yeah thats right a DAD, come on you can say it D*A*D* daaaaaaaaaddddddd!    You know the other half of the parental equation?  The it takes two to make a baby, but no where does it say that only a MOM has to raise the child!  Why not show that you are a real man (a DAD) and own up to your responsibilities around the house?  MOM is not the sole provider, MOM is not the only one that should be cleaning up the house! MOM is not the only one who should know how to do laundry!  OH OH here is my favorite double standard!  You know that really fancy mini van that YOU just had to have?  You had no intentions on driving it, noooooo you have your super cool dad mobile, no you bought it for mom right?  Do you think she doesnt deserve a nice car as well?  Heres a thought MOM isnt the only one who has to drive it!  That fancy mini van with all the bells and whistles will get you sorry ass down to the school to pick up or drop off your children just a well with you behind the wheel!!!!

DADMOM oh yeah thats great!  I so want someone to call me that the next time I am dropping the kids off for swim, or when I have all four of them at the playground.  Yep a DADMOM the epitome of disrespect to parenting and child raising. 

I wonder, as a society did I miss something?  my mom raised me to take care of myself.  To do my own laundry, to clean my own dishes, to wipe my own butt!  Where have we gone so horribly wrong that those needs are not being met anymore.  A woman shouldnt need a man to survive in this world and a man shouldnt need a woman to make sure his kids are raised and his laundry is done.  But what I do know is this, with the exception of single parents, who are struggling with shattered relationships along with handling every component of life by themselves.  If you are in a committed realtionship, taking care of your children, taking care of your house, even at times taking care of the finances is a 50-50 proposition.  I dont care who stays home to raise kids, but someone needs to be there, I dont care who the breadwinner is, someone needs to be there, I dont care if you both work, one of you needs to be there for your kids!  Its what society is lacking in the raising of our future! 

So advertising idiots, and men (I use that term loosley) who think watching their own children is called “babysitting” your missing the boat and one day I hope you both realize it!  And to all the parents out their who are proud of the roles they have in their relationships and thier lives.  I beg of you, put an end to this campaign of destructive advertising! Be proud of your titles and what you do in your home, know that the ends justifys the means.  You will grow as a person, your children will grow to be respectful, self reliant adults.  Some day they may even thank you!  But one things for certain, none of them will come home for the holidays and great you at the door with a smile and a “hello DADMOM”.

 

Another Christmas Eve

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As I am in the process of tying up any loose ends this Christmas eve, I find myself thinking about Christmas eve last year, and the year before, and the year before that, to the point that I have now whipped out the photo album and I am looking at photo memories from Christmas past. I notice the obvious right away with the expected “holy crap” the kids have grown, and the obligatory “I cant possibly have looked that young”, but what has really amazed me while gazing upon these frozen moments in time is the fact that they are coming to an end. Now I don’t mean Christmas is coming to an end, or my life is coming to an end I mean quite simply, the days of Santa are fleeting, the days of all my kids still living at home are winding down. My job as a parent is coming closer to full circle with my oldest. Then in the blink of an eye it will be the next child and so on and so on..
Parenting has its privileges!
One of the biggest privileges known to every mom and dad is the role of Santa Claus! The first year is really scary as you hope and pray they don’t catch you in the act. The next year is a little less stressful as you slowly develop your own style and develop certain techniques. Every year after that just gets better and better until you feel as though with the wink of an eye and the twitch of a nose you could rain presents upon the tree and be gone in a flash with nothing more than a cookie crumb left swirling on the floor.
But life is always changing. Before you know it, one heads off to college, then two, then four, and the house is empty. There is no one left to play Santa for(yes even though the older ones know the truth they still love to play along). What the heck! You are at the top of your game, in the big leagues, and now the coach cant even call you up. Its back to riding the pine for you big boy! Skills or not this has all accumulated to you not being needed anymore. The house is empty, no more giggling, no more running off to bed because Santa Tracker says Santa is in Chicago! No sneaking, prying little eyes laying in the shadows of the hallway. Its all over. Done! You find yourself all alone watching “A Christmas Story” sulking. Suddenly all the struggling and frustration that often accompanied the holidays doesn’t seem like it was that big of a deal after all.. All the times the kids got on your last nerve, pestering and bugging you, fighting over really stupid stuff, makes you realize you would give anything to have that time back. Yeah that moment in time. Just once more…
Like I said parenting is a true privilege! Christmas Eve is a fantastic moment in the life of any parent. One that we hold in our minds and relive over and over again. Its pure, its true love for your kids, its joy, its one of the few times you get to be a super hero, and when your kids faces light up on Christmas morning at the sight that beholds them you wink your eye, and twitch you nose, then lock away another memory. You are only Santa for a little while and I thank god for every chance I get to be him, for someday my kids will experience the same emotions, the same feelings, they will accept this fantastic gift that has been given them and hopefully they will sit back and remember all the fun they had and smile at the thought of their father playing Santa on just another Christmas Eve….

Christmas Cookies

theycallmebetty2 Comments

I love Christmas cookies!  Love them!  So much I think I would cross a street of broken glass barefoot to get too them!  I like chocolate ones, I like shortbread ones, I like almond ones, I like peanut butter ones, heck I even like coconut ones!  I love Christmas cookies!

Today I took it upon myself to make some Christmas cookies from scratch to give to a few friends for the holidays!  I went to the store and bought the ingrediants I didnt already have in the kitchen.  I patiently took all the hardware out I needed.  I even put on a Christmas movie so there would be a little ambiance in the background. 

I set the temp on the oven.

greased up the tins.

spread out the chocolate.

fired up the double boiler.

I then spent the next two hours mixing, dropping (a term for putting the dough on the cookie sheet) and baking.  It was heaven!  Just me and some of the best ingriediants known to the baking world.  Making some of the most deliscious cookies ever! 

But something was missing….  You see I was doing all of this fun stuff at work.  (I am a firefighter).  There were no little kids helping me lick the bowls, no one to sneak chocolate chips while I was folding the butter.  No one to help melt white chocolate in the double boiler for the icing.  Yep it was all perfect untill I realized it was too perfect.  Perfectly quiet. 

I needed a little person there to impart my cooking wisdom upon.  Years my father spent in the bakery of his restruant with me as a teenager/young adult acting like I didnt care because it wasnt cool to cook.  But in reality I was watching listening and learning from a man who got up every morning at 3am to make sure bread was baked for the days meals.  I want my children to know that REAL men cook.  REAL men bake and provide for their families in a multitude of ways!  REAL men take great pride in giving the gift of baked goods at Christmas.  Because to me nothing comes “more from the heart” than when I take the time to bake (I mean bake, not prepackaged crap, but from scratch)something sweet for you, my friend.  So there I was alone…..  Or so I thought.

Looking over my shoulder was one of our new guys.  He is young, in his early twenties, a good kid full of heart.  I was going to ask what he needed but a light came on in my head instead.  I leaned over and said; Lets make some cookies, you get some eggs and Ill start mixing the flour.  He smiled and jumped right to it!  Within seconds one of the other new guys also jumped in and the three of us were chuckling and dropping dough. 

After the first round came out and we all had a taster, the vote was unanimous.  Make some more!  And more we did!  I slowly backed away leaving the young guys to do it on their own.  They had watched carefully, studied the methods used and applied them perfectly.  They are both now filled with Christmas spirit as am I.  As I write this the two of them are carefully working on the next batch. 

I had a great Pre Christmas day! Filled with good laughs, good food and yes I can say it.  In a way I had my “kids” with me as I baked for people I care about. 

Did I mention “I love cookies”….

The Christmas I was 8

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Today I found myself daydreaming about the past.  I was 8 years old and Christmas was only a few days away.  I had searched the house high and low for any presents that may be in hiding from my prying eyes to no avail.  I had taken the time some two months earlier to carefully craft my Christmas list and although there appeared to be a few presents under the tree with my name on them I still was having trouble locating a box that fit the size or shape of the main present that I had requested. 

How could this be? I mean I was pretty clear about my wishes, I know I hadnt always been good during the year, but I surely hadnt warranted the number one gift to be crossed from the list.  Had I?  My parents were shrewd, crafty, some may even say sinister in the ability to hide presents during the holidays.  But at 8 I knew I was smarter than them, I always found my dads stash of chocolate chip cookies, I knew where my mom hid her candy, and there wasnt a day that went by I didnt know the exact moment when anything that had been hidden was moved.  I was stealthy and crafty and honing my skills.  So how, how could it be, that it seemed as though no one had even thought to obtain the number one gift I had so desired?  It was mind boggling!

My family never had much money and for me to be so self centered as to believe that what ever gift I wished for I would recieve was also ludicris.  But in the mind of an 8 year old only two things can happen at Christmastime.  Either mom and dad purchased the item or Santa Claus was in on the action.  Now being of sound mind I had eventually come to the conclusion that ole St. Nick was my main man!  I knew for sure he had my six.  On Christmas morning there it would be, glowing like the northern star from the heavens above.  But wait! Had I blown my chance with all my stealthy snooping?  I mean the cat is good but can he really see all of us when we are “naughty”?  I remember thinking about this in depth, so much so I didnt even take the time to ridicule my sister that evening even once, which of course brought unwanted attention to me from my mother.  But I played it cool, helped with dishes, pondered some more, picked up clothes and pondered some more, went and laid on my bed, wondering if Santa could see me now?  What was he thinking?  Why was I being tortured this way?  My day would have, no should have gone so much better, if only I had found my present!  But there lays the contridiction it all….  If I found it I was definetly on the naughty list, because I looked for it and didnt find it or any presents I may have been in a “grey” area.  What to do, What to do? 

It was definetly a long two days.  Kissing parental ass, being extra nice to my sister, like an employee who knows hes about to get fired and is trying extra hard to save his already lost job.  But in the end it was one of the best Christmasses ever.  I awoke that morning, it was still dark outside, I went to wake my sister, but then I thought no, I want this moment all to myself.  I carefull strolled the outskirts of the tree, wringing my hands and licking my lips.  There was so much stuff and all of it gleamed like a new penny.  As I was ready to give up, with shoulders slouched and head hung low, I looked towards the angel on top of the tree to ask why.  There it was, in a box, stuck in the tree.  What I had waited for all year, the item I had lost sleep over tossing and turning wondering, had I made the grade.  Well I had!  The big man in red came through! I knew he would! Knew it all along! Yep!

The Christmas I turned 8 was the year I got my first G.I. Joe!  It was the year I became a soldier, a man!  It was the year of many adventure between me and Joe! we conquered all foes, foriegn and domestic.  We slept many night is the bush under the stars, listening for the sounds of approaching enimies.  We killed many soldiers and showed them a soldiers respect upon thier demise! No video games only Joe and I and our imaginations!

One more thing, it was also the year I quit looking for presents in hidden places.  The risks, the loss of sleep and being nice to my sister were just more than I could bear in the year that I was 8.