Saturday morning has come and gone. Quietly I made breakfast for everyone, fed Ms. Jacy, ensured each child had done their required morning chores before anyone noticed we had all slept in a little too long. I met with one of our horse borders/friends I hadn’t seen in a while and put another load of laundry on rotation while the washer/dryer spun out their last few moments.
But something is nagging me.
Lately I have taken to working on the ranch from six to noon, dropping into a two hour nap after lunch then taking care of odds and ends in the house until bedtime. This routine has developed for a few reasons.
- It has become too hot for working past noon around here. The days of old where I could go and go and go for hours on end through 100-106 degree’s are long gone. To many years of riding around in air conditioned cars and sitting behind a computer doing reports in an air conditioned office have done away with any tolerance once held for the almighty heat.
- Taking care of myself has always been on the back burner. Taking care of Jacy then the kids is always first and foremost! Between softball, rodeo, Jacy, doctors’ appointments and the ranch (thankfully I have awesome help in that regards) anything to do with me is nonexistent.
Once rodeo and softball finished I finally found some fresh air, a breather if you will; time to do what needs to be done around here and that led to my newly installed schedule which as of late has been working great!
Almost too great!
You see after a week of my newly created schedule, things around here are getting done! I am able to plan for the next month or so projects to be completed. I am not exhausted from going all day trying to get something finished in record time. Taking instead the stance of “a little bit each day leads to a lot in the future”. It is as though,,,,,,,,, wait for it,,,,,,,,,, my life is normalizing….
I know right?? A normal day, with a normal schedule, with a normal outcome! Who would have thought? Today is my last day off and tomorrow I will be back for a 48 hour shift. I chose to sleep in today after,,,,, wait for it,,,,,, a date with my wife last night!!!! WHAT??????
So today I took it easy and I feel fairly rested. Tomorrow for the first time in a long, long, really long time I will not be dragging my ass into work completely exhausted!!! It has been so long since I have felt this way that I actually feel guilty. As though something must be wrong with me!
But with sleep, rest and a normal working schedule there comes another small dilemma.
My brain is working again. Yep running as though it’s an engine with high octane fuel coursing through its pistons! Lots of horse power to spare and nowhere to use it! I cannot turn it off! Ideas for writing just flowing through my head! So far this morning my fingers are cramping from typing! I finished a few other stories written for myself or some publication in the future and then you see I have this idea for an e-book!
Yep, it’s been racking my brain this whole book thing, and I need some help. I have flirted with writing a book in the past, had several very kind people insist I should give writing a book a try and even started a few outlines. Many ideas and formats have crossed my mind and I have enough material for several books on Haiti, Mission trips, Leukemia and of course raising children. But none of it flows and like a never slowing carousel; where exactly do I jump on without getting hurt? Or do I just dare fate and take a leap of faith? (hmm think I just answered my own question) Now whether this emotional wall comes from my two year hiatus of exhaustion or just my inability to turn off my ADD long enough to form a correct thought or not has yet to be (oohhh butterfly)….
I’m back, where were we..
Oh yes, so I need some help from all of you. You see I can’t do this alone as much as I would like too. So I am going to start bouncing ideas off the mighty brains of all three of my readers (sarcasm)! I am not saying I will use your ideas, or even like them, but I will appreciate them and use some of them and that folks is what brain storming is all about. Collective minds working for a greater good.
You are probably asking yourself why? Why am I doing this and what will my topic be? What is the overall purpose? What do I have to offer Betty? And why isn’t Betty running for President?
The last one we will talk about in 2018 when I start campaigning.
So let me give you some information to help get us started.
- The book will be about surviving as the spouse of a Leukemia patient
- Do I write it as a “how too” or a rough guide? Dry and simple, listing resources and web-sites for those who need a place to reach out?
- Instead of writing it as a “how too” should I expand upon my blog, telling the whole story as more of a living biography? Hoping the reader grabs a message of faith?
- Should it just remain what it is, a representation of my blog, leading more people to read our story, find hope while reaching out for help and answers. Or should I elaborate on each entry a little more while basically keeping it the same?
- Am I just crazy and none of this really matters?
If you are a follower of my writings then you know all I have ever wanted to do was help people. It is why I changed careers in my early/mid twenties when I could have easily made a nice living driving/owning my own semi-truck to becoming a firefighter. I felt the overwhelming need to help people then and I feel it now. I have made no secret that I feel there is more, not only for me but for each human being on this planet. We need to work harder on helping each other as opposed to today’s current climate. Of course that is for a longer deeper discussion at another time.
I feel sharing our (Jacy and I) experiences would be beneficial to others. But especially from my point of view, that of a caregiver, husband, spouse. I know there are thousands of spouses/significant others/parents/siblings out there feeling lost, waking up each morning wondering if today is the day they emotionally quit swimming thus allowing the proverbial water to cover their noses.
I am here to say “drowning” is not an option. They have the strength in them, more than what they know or understand, and that one person who needs them most see’s them as a pillar of strength. That strength is there, they just don’t know it. I think, I can help.
So give me some answers. Let me know what you think?
Oh yes there is a number 6 to my request.
- Please, I hate to pander but if you like my blog, “like” it on Facebook then go to the blog, sign up for the emails and hit “like” there as well. Also share it with as many people as possible. The more likes it receives on WordPress the more followers I have which leads to more exposure in the WordPress reader. I love talking with the spouses who have reached out to me during this time and I hope to meet many more.
Thank you to everyone who answers my rally cry, comes up with ideas or simply decides to reach out! More to come, I promise!
19 thoughts on “It’s TIME!!!!!!”
You should definitely write a book from your experiences with surviving cancer. I don’t think a simple”how-to” would do your writing style justice. As a spouse or caregiver of a cancer patient you learn a tremendous amount of information and helpful tid bits. I contemplated writing a book also but I just don’t have your way with words. I would suggest expanding on your blog and adding some of the “how-to”. I learned things like -how to disguise the taste of the oral contrast that patients have to drink before ct scans. I know how bad it tastes- being the supportive parent of a 6 year old, I would drink it along with her in order to get it down. YUCK. But it tastes much better if you add it to Squirt.
Thanks Linda! Wow! Good for you drinking that stuff! That is a great idea using Squirt! 😃
You should definitely write that book. Your writing style conveys your inner most thoughts and feelings in a way that hits home for a lot of people. Most people cannot explain emotion and thought like you have the ability to. If you write this from your perspective, while to you it may seem it is about you, it actually has the effect of validating others thought and feelings. This is a gift that makes the reader feel like they are not alone and that there is support for what they are going through and feeling.
Do not underestimate the power of “your story”. You are a talented writer.
Thanks Tony. I will definitely take that into consideration if I decide formatting this crazy collection of stories is the way to go. 😃
Definitely write a book. I think it should be written from the spouse’s standpoint. Writing it very much as you do in your blog. Expanding on pieces you may have glossed over for the readers sake because oftentimes things you were experiencing were too graphic. Of course as you do, be vulnerable in areas where sharing your deep emotional pains the reader is able to take on the feelings. At the end of the book you can share the resources you have been able to gather.
But YES write the book.
Have a good day at work. The second family you have a the firehouse will be there to support you as well.
Hugs to you!
Thank you Debbie. I will take your suggestion of expansion into consideration. That’s the beauty of writing. You can take it as far as you want to go as long as you retain the vocabulary to back it up. 😃
You have such a powerful story to share and I believe it can help others with whatever they are coping with. Your family has been through so much and you have shared all of your feelings regarding what was being dealt to you. Reflecting on your posts, I remember the humor, joy, anger and the buckets of faith! You have an amazing way with words. My only caution, can you emotionally revisit this journey?
Yes I think I can. I am sure it will bring up some emotions but at the same time be cleansing.
You are a gifted writer. Your heart shines through the thick and thin. Thank God for touching your heart and the gift of expressing love through your words. Our world needs your message. Thank your for sharing your vulnerabilities and triumphs.
Thank you Colleen for such kind words, I will do my best moving forward. A message of faith is so important. 😃
I suggest you read this book https://www.amazon.com/Dear-Stranger-Dearest-Friend-Novel/dp/0380814781?ie=UTF8&*Version*=1&*entries*=0
It was written by an acquaintance of mine years ago about her struggle with breast cancer and the support she found. I think it might help guide your plan for your book.
Your writing is beautiful and your love for your family lifts my spirits and as I am sure it does for so many others.
Sari Leeds (friends with Julie Preis)
Thank you Sari for the suggestion and kind words. I will read it. 😃
Peruse all your old blogs on the subject and you would have your book already written. A little editing is all you will have to do.
Definitely write it! I would go for the expanded blog… Your experiences and reactions. You are so eloquent and positive that your experiences would be a lifeline for others. A “How to”. Could be a whole other book
Thank you for the advise Christine! So far that seems to be the consensus! 😃
Here is my two cents worth (and I understand if you want change back). Your blog posts turned book would be a great inspiration to anyone going through what you and Jacy have been through. It is honest and vulnerable. Your words would help others see that their emotional roller coaster is normal and that they can reach out for help and get it. You and Jacy are never far from my prayers.
No change back needed, in fact maybe I should pay you! 😃😃😃
Thank you for responding, hearing from everyone is helping me form a plan and is very inspirational for me.
Definitely write it! I have not been a caregiver to someone with Cancer but father has. I am, however, a “child’ who lost their mother to the disease. I have also lost co-workers to it and praise God Ms. Jacy is not one of them. I think being able to read a book about a family who had similar experiences that mine did would be encouraging and help us to feel less alone. Especially while we were going though it. (My mom passed away in 2002.)
I like #3 and #4. Not much help, but I like where you are trying to go! Do it, do it!!