This morning while drinking a cup of coffee I stared at our Christmas tree. It is a fine tree, six feet tall, adorned in ornaments collected over the last thirty years. A gorgeous shroud neatly placed around its base (thanks to my daughter) and presents arranged by size to give it that proper appearance. By all collective purposes the perfect holiday tree. But as you know, something has been missing.

The Christmas spirit resides within us all. It is not just expected motions or deeds, it is a humbling of one self, to give without expectations, to seek no reward other than a feeling of self-worth associated with being a little more tolerant of everyone and everything. To look upon your neighbor and say; Merry Christmas! Thankful for all that resides within your life.

My Christmas spirit has been like that funny noise in your car. You hear it constantly, it’s there, but when you take it to a mechanic for repair, it just won’t make any noise and you look a tad bit crazy trying to explain what it sounds like! Yep, I’ve had Christmas spirit I think? But mostly only when I am alone, for the second I am surrounded by people, I begin feeling a little bah humbug and no noise is to be found.

I have tried everything to make it happen! Purchased some egg nog, drank it cold, drank it hot, drank it with a little brandy and got a headache! Hmm is that my heart growing three sizes to small? Went Christmas shopping, didn’t buy anything and grew irritated with the continual rudeness of those around me! Yep feeling a little green poking through my skin. Helping the kids with our Christmas tree, felt giddy throwing the lower branches in the fire and watching them sizzle! GRRRR!!! Grew tired of our Christmas music, took some ibuprophen and drank tea while all three children argued over ornament placement which brought a strange smirk to my face!

What did it all mean? I wasn’t sure, thought maybe it was just a funk from Jacy being gone so long, but then it hit me! We were all lounging around watching How the Grinch stole Christmas and I found myself laughing and secretly high fiving the Grinch’s actions!!! Holy cow! Have I become the Grinch? Is my Christmas spirit gone for good? Am I going to turn green? Nervous with this enlightened moment, I almost had myself talked off this crazy train until Jack waddled in and jumped in my lap chewing on an ornament!!! AHHHHHHHHH! He looks like the Grinches dog! I am doomed!!!!

Replaying many actions over the last few days in my head trying to justify this new found failure the picture became clearer.

Have not moved to Mount Crumpit! Plus!

Trying hard not to live a solitary life. Plus!

My dog Jack, unlike Max is loved and loyal as opposed to unloved and loyal. Big Plus!

I have never thrown All the presents into the abyss! Hmm ok, I am allowed one, right?

And no one named Cindy Lou is pestering me with syrupy sweet kindness, although Jessica is trying her hardest! Plus!

Phew, its official, my heart is not three sizes two small!

Yay!!! I am not becoming the Grinch! So with that revelation let me put on my Santa suit, pat little children on the head while Jack and I load up the sleigh and then hand out the best Christmas present ever!

Jacy is on track to be released to outpatient status! We don’t have an official date yet, but so far it could be as soon as the first week of January barring any unforeseen complications!! Within the last week, she has upped her diet and is eating solid foods! She is motoring around the quad without much assistance, she no longer has a catheter and her bladder has chosen to bleed considerably less! She is getting stronger by the day! It is as though a switch has been thrown and her body is now trying it’s hardest to work! There is still some lung issues we are dealing with but they are small potatoes in the grand scheme of things!

So keep your fingers crossed everybody! Hopefully she will be at her dads within two weeks and we will finally begin phase two of this ordeal! Then if all goes right she will be home by possibly March? Who knows!

Strangly I feel my heart is growing three sizes to large!!

Merry Christmas everyone! May you be surrounded by those you love, may you send love and prayers to those who cannot be with you and may the Christmas spirit always reside within you.