Three weeks since my last posting, holy shit where did the time go? Apparently Leukemia needed to remind us it is still here?

Seriously what a busy three weeks it has been too! Children out of school, working to prepare the ranch and Jake for a week-long stint in Bishop California for the CHSRA High school rodeo finals, setting Cody up for success in caring for his mother and siblings while we were away, fixing then re-fixing, then repairing only to abandon my truck because she just couldn’t make the trip to bishop hauling our living quarters horse trailer. Borrowing a friends truck (thank goodness for good friends) to make the trip safely, then watching as Jake finished 11th in the state steer wrestling and 17th in the state cutting.  He was the only rookie to make it into the finals for steer wrestling! Something he is and should be very proud of as the finals were filled with some of the most talented kids I have ever seen!

This all leads us to today.

This morning I awoke pondering yesterday and tomorrow. Yesterday we (Jacy and I) spent the whole day at Stanford signing paperwork (you know the dont sue us if something catastrophic happens legal mumbo jumbo), meeting with doctors, understanding the upcoming schedule; more lab work, heart monitoring, and ultimately the dreaded sit down talk where we learn from -0 day-to-day +1 what will be happening to her body and what might possibly happen to her body in the form of acceptance or rejection.

The first week will be 16 doses of chemotherapy so strong it could quite possibly kill her, of course only in a low percentage of patients, but it does do damage to the heart muscle, kidneys and liver. She will be very sick during this time and I will not go into the specifics as it crosses over ones privacy.  Once she is down to zero or no immune system what so ever, she will receive the Bone Marrow transplant, which consists of nothing more than stem cells transmitted through a blood transfusion.  She will be given drugs to suppress the new immune system which have a whole slew of nasty side effects of their own. The new immune system will need to find its way through her body on its own without overreacting to its new home. This will be over the course of the next few weeks and where odds are strong some form of graph vs host disease will take place.

Graph vs host can lead to anything from minor sores in the mouth to minor or major skin irritation to life threatening rejection to which we are told things “could” get quite dicey if that takes place. Phew! Nothing to be scared of yet, right?

If all goes well, the body accepts the graph with the help a few drugs then within three weeks she can leave to outpatient treatment where her caregiver (me, parents and siblings) will monitor everything she eats, her temps, appetite and overall demeanor.  Once she hits the 12 week mark with steady improvement she has the ability to come home.  Yay!

Once at home (get ready for this) Jacy, who lives on a ranch and loves her horse more than most people like their friends; will not be allowed near the horses for up too two years! She also has to wait a minimum of a year just to go back to work and be surrounded by the young minds she loves so!! Listen I can hear you all now: hey at least she will be alive right? Yes this is true. But look at it this way, everything short of your children that you love has been taken away then held right out of reach for you to see everyday.  That would be pretty painful and hard to handle while keeping a positive attitude about survival. You are alive and it does leave something to fight or look forward too, but can be depressing at the same time.

Tomorrow

So tomorrow is that day. WE load up the toters she has packed her life into over the weekend; she kisses her children goodbye (the hardest things she has ever had to do) and we make what I assume will be a very somber, quiet, fear/tear filled trip to her new home for the next three to four months. I will then have a very hard ride home as now I will truly be a single dad with only being able to visit a couple of times a week per her wishes. (her wish is to keep the kids having a normal life and summer before school) Once school starts I will be there everyday if possible, running back and forth to be by her side. She knows what lays in store, she knows there will be days of doubt, pain, sickness and struggle, she knows that the outcome is unknown as to severity of reaction and she knows it is going to be hard, very hard.

She also knows she has a whole crew of people praying, she knows she has the unconditional love of an entire family, and she knows I love her more than anything in the world. In her heart she knows she will beat this and win.

This morning I stared at her sleeping knowing it will be one of the last mornings for a very long time I will see her angelic face next to mine. I fu%#ing hate this shit!

Deep breath, stand strong, we will survive this and she will kick cancers ass one more time!